Anamnesis

Boracay in a Bottle

2006-08-01T13:12:00.000+08:00

Sigh, it's been two months, and the memory of Boracay is still haunting me. The wonderful weather, the exotic scenery, and the bohemian life my friends and I lived for a few days were indeed so memorable, that I just can't get it out of my mind.

That I find myself dipping my fingers in the bottle of sand I brought home from Boracay. The sand's so fine, and cool, that it brings back so much wonderful memories that I want to revisit again and again..

I miss Bora.

How I Miss Them...

2006-07-24T01:08:00.000+08:00

The Corrs. Sigh. They have the most heartfelt songs I've ever listened to. This one's one of the best songs, after Runaway.

"and it's gonna be a long night, and it's gonna be cold without your arms..."

Not Blogging?

2006-07-21T19:31:00.000+08:00

If it seems like I'm not blogging, it's actually not. I have actually been blogging for the last two months, everyday, for a beauty blog, and soon, a revolutionary makeup blog. It kinda sucks my energy, and my life because I don't even have time to think of myself anymore.

But of course, I am enjoying my writing because I love what I'm writing about, but sometimes, there is no sense of "me". I want to put up a personal blog. Maybe next year. And hopefully by next year, I won't wallow anymore on how he doesn't look my way , blahblah. It's simply tiring, and weird.

If he doesn't look my way, then he's headed for the wrong direction. Bahala siya.

Homage

2006-05-30T13:45:00.000+08:00

Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel that I am whole again....
....No matter how far away, I will always love you...what ever words I say...I will always love you....

Stolen glances. Secret longing. Heart-wrenching madness. Painful heartbeats. Pangs of longingness. Intoxicating desire. Giddy Sentiments. Soul-shattering emotions.

the way you same my name affects me in the most exhilarating way...having you near me takes my soul to pure bliss.

Something Worth Reading

2006-05-18T16:19:00.000+08:00

I friend sent this email to me, and I think it was one of the most heartfelt stories that I have read, so I'd like to immortalize it in my blog with the hopes of sharing it to the world :

---

Of course you've heard of Joe D' Mango. He gives advice on love and relationships on Wave 89.1. Have u ever wondered what he does when he has his own love problems? Does he give advice to himself? Does he handle it very well?

Here's his story:

Three fridays ago, our guru on relationships, joe d mango, read a letter to his wife on his popular radio program Love Notes. For the past 11 years, he had been giving advice to people who would write him letters about their personal problems. To the surprise of his listeners that friday, instead of reading one of his usual letters, he read one that he had written himself to his wife Bing.

Joe felt that he had to tell his listeners that even someone like him could go through a marital crisis, but that he survived it. Here's how his letter goes.

In our 11 years of marriage it was just the two of us. I never had a close circle of friends and she never had one either. Life for us was just "you and me," day in and day out. We were literally sleeping beside each other for 11 years. It came to point that there was nothing more interesting to talk about. I was aware I was doing that but I never did anything about it. We were so close yet it seemed like we were so distant. Then came her new circle of friends.

They recently had an elementary and high school reunion. Remember her persistent suitor since elementary days? He was there. We already had four daughters and the guy had four kids of his own. They exchanged phone numbers. They started to text each other and this bothered me. a big part of it was insecurity and other part was that she once denied that she was texting the guy.

I felt bad because she started hiding things from me. Then the guy asked her if they could meet for lunch. It became a source of tension between us. I finally agreed, but before that, I told her that I felt that I was going through the same pain again. I have seen so many stories like this. If you told me the first part of the story I would already know where it would lead to.

Bing accused me of being a "know-it-all" person. But deep in my heart I knew where she was heading. Why would a married guy see a married girl unless it was for business or professional reasons? Finally, even if it was against my will, I drove her to the meeting place.

While I was waiting at the radio station, I wanted to call her but knew it wasn't proper. So I just waited for her to tell me how their meeting went.

When she related to me what happened I felt that she was keeping the other details. I was afraid to ask because I wasn't prepared to accept her answers. I told her that it would be best if that was their last meeting. She got mad and told me that I was starting to
control her life.

The following day, I saw a small, torn piece of paper that had the words, "lose you" in the trash can at home. I started picking up the pieces of paper and putting them together. She had written: "Felt sad because I felt that this will be our last meeting." "Wanted to hug you..." Before I could figure out what the third one was, Bing was already at my back. She wanted to get the torn pieces of paper back. She said it was private property. We decided to talk.

By then, I was able to figure out the third line: "Not sure if afraid to lose you." She had crossed it out and beside it, she had written, "Wanted to cry."

That was what hit me. How could you lose something that's not even with you yet? That was a confirmation that she was getting emotionally attached to the guy. We fought because she didn't want to admit it. She said that what she had written was all about friendship and not about love. For the first time in our marriage she asked for freedom from me. For 11 years we were always together, and now this.

She had discovered her own little world and wanted to explore it. I didn't want to give it to her but finally I gave in. I told her that she could do anything she wanted and not worry about how I would feel. In fact, I told her that I was planning to leave her and kids for a while so we could give each other the chance to be alone. We decided to give the new arrangement a try.

The following day, Thursday, I went to work early and she texted me. I never answered back. When I didn't respond, she called me. She said, "I'm sorry. I love you and I miss you." For the first time in our mariage I said, "I love you and I miss you too" with tears in my eyes.

I realized how much I loved her but I also knew how much she wanted her freedom. When I arrived at the station I asked for a leave. My boss advised me to think it over, but he said that he would allow me to go on leave. After letting it all out I felt relieved. It was the first time in my life that I asked for advice about our relationship.

While I was talking with my boss, a messenger arrived with 12 white roses arranged in a basket. It came from Bing. Then a text message on my cellphone came, "I know that no material things can ease the pain that you're feeling right now, but these flowers signify my pure and sincere intentions.

I'm really sorry. Please forgive me."

Still, a question continued to bug me: "I'm giving you the freedom. Will you choose to stay or go on?" I read the card, and it had the answer to my question: "Dear Dad, I finally realized that I made a very big mistake in choosing a newfound friendship at the expense of our long-time friendship. Please forgive me. I will always love you."

Bing called the guy and told him that she wanted to end the friendship. He said that they could just text or call each other.Bing said that there was no need.

We had dinner and talked up to 1 am. It was like getting married all over again. We lost each other and found our way back. I do not want to go through the same pain again.

Friday came and it was the first time in the history of Love Notes that I couldn't do Love Notes. I scheduled a replay. When I was at the station at 9am, I composed a letter to Bing. I was asking myself, should I read this or do a replay? I chose to read the letter. It is not unusual to hear people say "I love you because...," but this story has shown us that the deeper and greater love is having to say "I LOVE YOU IN SPITE OF..."

What hurts most?

..when you can't fight for that one thing that would make you happy..

..I may never be the guy you look forward to seeing every day… but I will always be the guy who will look out for you each and every day..

Sad Girl: "don't make me feel that i'm just a selfish jerk just because I made you cry"!

Sad Guy: "then don't make me feel like I did nothing for you when I almost died crying just to see you smile..."

Men are haunted by the vastness of eternity. And some ask ourselves: Will our actions echo across the centuries?

Will strangers hear our names long after we are gone, and wonder who we were, how bravely we fought, how fiercely we loved?

Love isn't when you can't sleep… it's when you want to keep your eyes open…

Love isn't when you keep holding on… it's when you learn to let go…

Love isn't when you kill yourself with jealousy… it's when you understand…

Love isn't when you fall for someone… it's when you catch that person when she falls…

Love isn't when you see her everywhere… it's when you close your eyes and she is still there…

Love isn't when you tell her what you feel… it's when you give everything for her sake…

And Love isn't when you think you were blind… it's when you know she was wrong but you didn't mind

Later

2006-05-15T15:18:00.000+08:00

As a followup to my melancholic post last night, I think I really am too sensitive. This song just popped into my mind during lunch time, and I downloaded it. Upon reading the lyrics as I listened to it, I suddenly burst into tears. The lyrics was just heart-wrenching. Trying to be the person who was singing the song, I felt that it was such a heartbreaking song.

FRA LIPPO LIPPI
Later

How could you come with me
When you knew all along that you had to go

How could you watch me sleep
So close to you
Pretending not to know

How could you memorize my name
And forget who i am

How could you think
You're still the same
Believing i can

It's too late to start pretending
It's too late for a new beginning
Later than the sunset
Later that the rain
Later than never to love you again

How could you ask for more
With an innocent smile
Trusting me to stay

How could you close the door
And leave me here
Supposing I'm ok

How could you break down
My disguise
And uncover my fears

How could you look into my eyes
Ignoring my tears

It's too late to start pretending
It's too late for a new beginning
Later that the sunset
Later than the rain
Later than never to love you again
[x2]

Its too late

Too Much Feelings Bottled Inside Me..

2006-05-14T23:35:00.000+08:00

This weekend has been some sort of eye-opener for what I really want in life. Last Friday, I mingled the night away with business contacts that made me all psyched up, and very much high. It seemed that I loved being with people, I loved talking to people, and I will be happy around people in slacks, coats, buttoned blouses, formal skirts...and formal wear. Will I be an executive in the future?

Scrap my first paragraph, I am feeling weird right now. Waking up with a tingling sensation brought about the cold, damp weather, with a mix of freon from the airconditioning unit, this day just made me feel so darn reminiscent, so sensitive, and so reflective of myself.

I am trying to hold on to this day staring at my computer trying to put into words what I'm feeling, and I think that I am struggling to do that. This melancholic weather makes me feel so low, and makes me wish that the cold weather could just freeze time, and make it just not move for sometime as I try to let out all my bottled up emotions.

Tomorrow is one day that I don't know if I'd be happy about. It is one of the opportunities that I might not have very often. If I blow it, or just do it wrongly, I might regret it for the rest of my life. In short, I really don't know what to do. I am scared. I am in denial. I have been trying to fight myself off these emotions because I have never succeeded. I have always been the fool, and I think that I always will be a sore loser in this department. It makes me feel stupid to be even optimistic about this because I always get disappointed in the end. If you get to know what I'm talking about you might even laugh at how trivial this might be, but it is such a great deal for me that I am hating myself for it already, for even letting this thing leave me troubled.

I'll end this by quoting Scarlet O'Hara , that said, "After all, tomorrow is another day." sigh.

Reasons Why You Should Go to Hell

2006-05-09T08:43:00.000+08:00

Sorry, I'm really angry with someone right now. Just let me vent, then I think I'll let go of this since demons aren't to be held on to.

Reasons Why You Should Go To Hell

1. You failed to unconditionally love your kids. You preferred one kid to the other, condemned the black sheep of the family who is so desperate to give you everything he has just to be loved. But you never gave him any of your love. Not even a single concern.
2. You treat people you like like royalty even if they are just using you, but you treat people who care for you the most, like trash.
3. You betray your kid and spread nasty stuff about his kids. Even if you live under his family's roof.
4. You didn't act impartially when your kids fight. You went with the side you like.
5. You are so damn selfish. You wish to go there and there, not thinking that your driver is actually tired and could not drive you on an early Sunday morning. You just DON'T CARE.
6. You shout at and maltreat little kids you don't like. Maybe your black sheep kid's kid?
6. You might be the best in attendance in Church but your soul is being much awaited in hell. Because you're plain evil.

A Vanity Affair

2006-04-25T10:32:00.000+08:00

The premiere beauty and fashion blog showcasing the latest trends in skin care, makeup, and fashion! As told by the goddesses of Vanity, The Muse, and Princess V. This blog is what I'd love to read and read all over again! =) The Muse, promised me seduction techniques ( hahahahaha ) so girlies who are interested, visit the blog!

http://www.thevanityaffair.com

:)

Sultry, Endless Summer Nights

2006-04-19T09:42:00.000+08:00

I stumbled upon this song via a friend's friendster. Never have I heard a song with a tune as sexy as this. I can see myself hearing this song at a beautiful beach during the ungodly hours, while struggling to keep awake to be able to feel. Yes, just to feel. Here's to sultry, endless summer nights.

Love Song by 311

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am home again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am young again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am fun again

However far away, I will always love you
However long I stay, I will always love you
Whatever words I say, I will always love you
I will always love you

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am free again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am clean again

However far away, I will always love you
However long I stay, I will always love you
Whatever words I say, I will always love you
I will always love you

Swooning for Nerds

2006-04-17T13:25:00.000+08:00

Last time I saw him, it was like centuries ago. ( now THAT's sarcastic ) Very cute, smart and equipped with nerdy remarks.

Now that I've seen him again, indeed he has changed - armed with a great, deep voice , very much grown up, still shining within him, the boyish charm that he always had.

Could it be possible that I'm seeing him in a totally different light?

It would never happen that I would assume since I've been too much hurt before with my incredible assumptions, pressumptions, of people's actions. I would never like a guy without him liking me first. No more...since being unrequited in the love department has always been painful, that it must be for the best to repress whatever butterflies in my stomach, or heart flutters that I have been experiencing right now. Now, I feel that he just put some love potion in my drink, that I am intoxicated with the memory of being in his company. Someone had put a microchip with contents being of him, only him, in my brain. This is crazy.

But at least, I now know that my ideal guy, indeed exists, since I've seen him in the flesh, just a few nights ago. Maybe there are more guys like him, which is a good thing for me. :)

2006-04-07T17:59:00.000+08:00

..All I can say for now is...

I MISS ALL MY FRIENDS!!! I MEAN ALL OF THEM!!!

Friends, old and new. Way back in gradeschool, or highschool, and even college, I was always the friendly type. I might look really mataray to people, and honestly, it crushes me that they have judged me as a snob or even insincere. Well, in this life, this stage in life, I am happy to have known such wonderful people. I feel really blessed to have met these people in my life. But as time passes, things also change. Some classmates that you used to chitchat with everyday don't see you as the confidante anymore. Your laughing partner doesn't smile at you anymore, and stuff. That's what I've realized, when I see some of my friends from the past. But I will always be Soph/Sophie/Hopia that they've known, and will never change. A bit. :) Even my behavior's embarrassing since I still act like a child.

Anyway, just ranting. :)

2006-03-09T16:27:00.000+08:00

At My Worst

In this hot, humid environment called my office, I am in great suffering. Misery develops when what you seemed to love, unmasks itself into its real face - ugly, and unforgiving. Love dies, nonchalance happens, then desolation occurs.

One of the people whom I consider the dearest in my life is leaving for a few years. I just don't know how to cope without someone I've shared alot of thoughts with, someone I laughed, cried with, and even fought/argued with. I cannot even bear to imagine what I would be when she leaves.

Sigh. As I said, changes creeping slowly in my mind, is slowly threatening my sanity.

Feeling Neglected

2006-02-07T10:17:00.000+08:00

It's been a while since I've posted a lengthy entry here, and I am very apologetic to my blog that it ever felt neglected. I never, ever want anyone to feel neglected. Because it sucks to feel neglected. And currently, I am in agony of feeling that way.

Perhaps it's just a mind-thing that I am a little bit depressed lately. I value my friends highly that I see them as my second family, and changes sure get the worst out of me. Alot of things has happened since I graduated. Gradeschool. Highschool. College. Those were three stages in life that I would gladly go back to because I always felt nothing but safe in there. Everyday chit chattering, everyday gossiping, giggling about stuff, plain sisterhood. Now that things have changed, everyone's so mature, and preoccupied with their lives, I think everyone had moved on except me.

Perhaps it's just that I hold on too much and have too much faith on people. The "I'll always be there for you" messages would disappear whenever changes happen - someone gets a new job, new friends, new relationships, and so much more. Sometimes I feel crushed, and sometimes I hate myself for feeling such irrationality. I mean, changes are so darn inevitable, and I have trouble accepting them. Why am I saying this?

Because I had a horrible dream last night about my friends. I wouldn't mention the name nalang. I was in the classroom ,calling her name, expecting her to say hi, or smile the least because she was close to me. Instead, she didn't mind me. I called on her again, again and again, until she snappingly looked at me, obviously annoyed, and said, "What?" I could still remember how crushed I felt during the dream, and how I realized that sometimes, I felt so alone. It felt that she wanted me out of her life and she didn't need me anymore. As a friend, that is a heartbreaking sentiment.

Sometimes I feel that one way of motivating myself that things will always be the same, and there's no reason to move on is not really forging new relationships with people. I'm not in the market for a romantic relationship right now - I hardly think about it , even. I feel that I want to remain a child. Of course, my body structure's obviously betraying me.

In times I feel the pressure of getting in a relationship because everyone's dating, and everyone's happy. So happy that sometimes, I feel so alone with the pairings. I just can't help but feel happy for my friends who have found their love match, because I know that every girl's dream is meeting their prince charmings. I don't mind, really, but it all ends on me being alone.

Changes are good, changes are great, but changes are also painful.

Enough of the drama, better go back to work.

Twisted Vanity

2006-02-05T00:38:00.000+08:00

Please visit Juliet's blog about economics mixing it up with her crazed up vanity! :)

http://beautynomics.blogspot.com

Enjoy!

huh?

2006-01-31T20:39:00.000+08:00

Most women spend thousands of pesos improving their looks by buying makeup, better skin care - a bunch of goo you put in your face to make you look like a moviestar. And yet, men claim that they prefer "natural beauty". Goodness gracious, what's it gonna be for physically flawed women? This is too much! The truth is, men do not prefer makeup, but prefer plastic surgery instead! How expensive it is to enter the market! haha :) Just a thought.

2006-01-27T23:37:00.000+08:00

"My powers only work for the good of others....," Miss Match

Once I heard this I could not help but relate. ALOT. I mean, I have played a successful matchmaker so many times already, and indirectly added more than two less lonely people in the world. But how can't I, just play matchmaker for myself? I guess that quote from Miss Match, starring my all time fave , Alicia Silverstone, answered the question that I have been longing for someone to answer. TV answered me. hehe:)

Anyways, I'll write more later. Hopefully :)

Time to Breathe

2005-12-03T21:03:00.000+08:00

My dad warning me to focus on my job specially on the month of December wasn't an exaggeration. After the bazaar ( which went on pretty good, thanks to my wonderful partners ), I was so shocked to feel the unbelievable pressure on me and on everyone. Everyone went to work 7am, some went home 7pm, and some, 9pm, but I have to make "bantay" the office so I log out on 9pm. After 9pm, I feel so tired, still wanting to do alot of stuff, but somehow I also feel defeated since I can't do them anymore with the exhaustion given to me. I wake up horribly stressed the next day, wanting more sleep. So this is what dad meant, after all. I just hope that we finish our deadline on time, so that we can finally enjoy the Christmas season. While people are merrying and doing their Christmas shopping, people in my office are working double time to finish our deadlines to be able to rest come December 23. Sigh. This Saturday night has been a blessing for I got out of work 7pm, and I surely plan to spend the night lying down on my bed and reading The Historian, the book I recently bought ( thanks to Katz for buying it for me) . :) One more bazaar to go, and I hope that VAMP! will earn lotsa moolah for our Christmas goodies :) Our harwork is on the line- I sure hope they'd all pay off :)

Visit and SHOP!!!!

2005-11-05T22:36:00.000+08:00

I'm currently one of four moms of our baby, VAMP, a very chic online store that features everything a girl wants - items of glamour, sophistication, funkiness, cuteness - adjectives that simply make a girl swoon :) Help me and buy na!!! Support our business!!!

http://thevampstore.multiply.com

:)

Good Vibes, You are Most Welcome in My System

2005-11-03T21:13:00.000+08:00

I've been, and I am anticipating good vibes to come in me since the start of November. I can never forget the nerve-wracking, negatively charged October I had. It was the worst- everything was impossible, and everything was bad. Now I welcome November with m y best clothes, my best behavior ( smiling even in the midst of an emotional breakdown or stress breakdown ), decluttering my workspace to welcome positive energy, and most of all, thinking positively. I really should think positive right now. I can almost swear, that preparing for November made me alot stronger. My first day at work for the month, some obstacles threatened to make me break down, but I can almost swear to feel an invisible shield bouncing every bad news targetted at me, making me feel better - not feeling the impact of any bad news. Nothing can stop me now. I will work harder no matter how cement-like my back feels whenever I sleep late. But....I need a spa-day!!!! :P

Food, Food, and Food!

2005-10-23T23:55:00.000+08:00

Last Saturday, we planned to attend the World's Longest Buffet that was held @ Eastwood, Libis. My friend Joyce was kind enough to reserve tickets for us for the 9pm batch. After a grueling day at work ( g.r.u.e.l.i.n.g. indeed ) - dealing with clients, hurrying up orders and trying to hike up sales, I finally had time for myself as Maisie fetched me from my abode/office. We met up with Jacqe @ the Ateneo area, as Mais and I shared a table eating twister fries @ Mcdo Katipunan. We observed that their Mcdonald's were more maintained than DLSU's! ( unfair! ), and at the same time, we realized that we were wearing dangerous shades of green ( both! ) on enemy territory..haha :) Well as Jacqe and her bf arrived and fetched us, we went to Tiendesitas to check out the Fashion area. For me, items there were a little bit overpriced , maybe because I just got so accustomed with the prices at 168 Divisoria, and some of the wares there actually were just the same displays as 168's! I found the Delicacies section better- mouth-watering bread spreads..:P

When the clock ticket 8:30, we hurried to go to the buffet...very hungry ( except Mais! who drank a soda with ice cream haha! ), we called Joyce, and she tipped us that she was tipped by a friend to not go on further because the buffet was on its last round, and the queue's really long and there were lots of dissatisfied people there. God bless the traffic that we didn't go through that ordeal...reading people's reactions over at Pinoyexchange.com, sharing on how ripped off they were of their 350 bucks , goodness. This is just a big embarrassment for the tourism industry since foreigners were present and this event was aimed to boost tourism! Geez...big disappointment....

One treasure that we found ( well, both Jacqe and beau introduced it to us ) was Hot Rocks at Libis. The ambience was mediocre..very down to earth, almost Dampa-like, but the serving of steak was really hefty...a really big one that I couldn't even finish! ( that's a first for me! ) the BBQ was heavenly flavorful, and the pizza was delightful. The best part was it was waaaaay cheap! We ate individual steaks, 1 bbq stick each, 1 whole pizza, and shared a pitcher of iced tea...and we were billed like P220 each! Imagine, I went home with a full stomach, and saved more than a hundred compared to the 350php I would have cashed out if we went thru the event with the risk of not getting to eat alot...:)

We went to the Libis area ( the event area ) to catch up with Joyce and company to hitch rides home, and it was delightful to see old friends again..:) I am missing these people so much that endless kwentos transpired..:) We passed thru the buffet tables, and checking my cellfone watch, it was 11pm, and NO ONE was participating in the buffet for the simple reason that the tables were empty. EMPTY, without any plates, just empty tables with soiled white linen and used bond paper with prints of the dishes that were served. Oh well :)

My Greatest Wish as of The Moment....

2005-10-05T13:44:00.000+08:00

....is do drink a sleeping pill, that would make me doze off for 16 hours straight, and when I wake up, the clock still hasn't moved. Other words? I wanna cheat time so bad and doze off and wake up happily knowing that time stood still for me to rest.

...I absolutely think I am worthy of that miracle! :P

A Lovely Chitchat

2005-10-01T14:01:00.000+08:00

After weeks of untolerable stress with work, finally, someone dear to me has saved me for a few hours to spend time with her. One of my closest friends way back in highschool, Diana, fetched me around 8pm last nite to hang out at the newly opened Starbucks Banawe. I was actually joking about having her deliver my Nu Skin product orders straight to my doorstep, and she actually texted me a day after, that she was indeed coming over last night to deliver the products I ordered + invited me for a Starbucks hangout nite! :)
I arrived home at around 7:15, and whew, to my relief, she wasn't on her way to my house yet. I had time to eat some dinner, and dress up simply, and she arrived just on time.
As we arrived at Starbucks, the crowd was really different from other Starbucks branches. I need not divulge details...mahahalata ako haha :) Starbucks Banawe was swarmed with v.e.r.y. young people...not as young as me, but as young as my sister in highschool!!!!! You could see it in their faces that they were indeed very very young, and of course, meron pang nakauniform! hehe :) Now, I know how the young chinitos and chinitas of Banawe spend their Friday nite..but where have people my age gone? Are they too tired to go to Starbucks and just sleep the night away? I'm so not convinced. haha :)

Anyway, my bonding session with Diana was a blast. We talked about everything, from our deepest secrets, to the silliest discussions. It was always pleasant to bump into her and I feel that I can tell her absolutely anything. She's one of the people who I have "super gaan ng loob" with, and I don't know why. Our friendship dated way back in highschool, and during college,I'm glad that we became classmates on Relstri, she was my seatmate. Somehow my outrage had mellowed down ( they didnt have green tea frappe argh! ) with the more than pleasant company, and we chattered the night away, until we were sleepy.

The night had to end, but there's always a next time. :) I must say I had a blast with my very close friend that I haven't seen for ages already :) Heart to heart talks are always nice to have :)

2005-09-28T00:23:00.000+08:00

I've been so drawn to the band Bond, the violin and cello quartet! I've downloaded one of their hits, Kashmir, and it must be the most interesting, fascinating, mysterious, seductive and mind blowing violin piece I've ever heard. A passionate fusion of harem music and classic violin, it leads your mind to weave a fantasy - drifting to a faraway place, an exotic location ala-Arabian nights, imagining beautiful people dancing wildly and getting lost in the intoxicating melody of the night. The night is all they breathe, they live for the night. Their lives are full of heat, passion, and untamed freedom. Gypsies. I can feel and sense rouge, liquor, dancing , raw emotions, and intimacy. This is my story of the violin piece.

The song's a passionate poem itself. It promises a drift away from stress, and a trip to daydreaming about a faraway, exotic land called Kashmir, where people can act freely without any inhibitions.

Lifting Me

2005-09-25T13:44:00.000+08:00

As a Corrs fanatic way back in highschool, I have always searched the internet for unreleased songs of the Corrs, perhaps in their Bonus tracks. I chanced upon one of the best songs they had, but it was just a bonus track and I think it wasn't released via MTV or radio. I was just listening to it awhile ago, and for the first time, I checked the lyrics of this song and found it intruiging....

Lifting me I don't know how you do it but it's lifting me
Another day another way he finds a point to pressure me

A silly girl with silly ways I hear this I'm pitiful
I'll be that girl can you give me the strength to be free

Lifting me I don't know how you do it but it's lifting me
Keep lifting me I don't know how you do it but it's lifting me, yeah

Another night another fight he finds a point to criticise
A frilly dress and frilly ways I hear this so pitiful

I'll be that girl can you give me the strength to be free
Lifting me I don't know how you do it but it's lifting me

Keep lifting me I don't know how you do it but it's lifting me, yeah
Lifting me I don't know how you do it but it's lifting me

Keep lifting me I don't know how you do it but it's lifting me, yeah
I'll be that girl can you give me the strength to be free

Lifting me I don't know how you do it but it's lifting me
Keep lifting me I don't know how you do it but it's lifting me

You're lifting me I don't know how you do it but it's lifting me
Keep lifting me I don't know how you do it but it's lifting me

(Fade out)

---Who is the author claiming to be lifting her? Perhaps a friend? If it was directed to her boyfriend, how could her boyfriend "lift" her spirits to gather the strength to break up with her? hehehe :) Walalang, I think that the song is directed to a very good friend who never fails to stay beside her in the midst of her problems..giving her the strength to love herself more, and gather enough courage to stand up and say that the boyfriend's bad treatment of her is totally unacceptable, and she can be as silly as she wants, somebody would love her no matter what, but she just can't be treated and seen that way. Walalang :) What a lifting song, although I am not attached. haha :)

Dreaming of Spiders

2005-09-21T11:27:00.000+08:00

Spiders have long been my greatest fear. Eight Legged Freaks is a movie that I haven't had enough courage to watch, or just had a sneek peak while my sisters were watching but made me more than traumatized by the sight of big spiders. I hate spiders. I freak out when I see the smallest one, even more, to the point of insanity, if ever I will see a black, furry one. I could absolutely die of fright because of them.

Lately, I have had recurring dreams of spiders being around me. Tough luck. I had 3 or more dreams about them - 1 dream was I was sitting on the toiletbowl of my bathroom, and spiders were around me, the second one was me lying down on my parents' bed and having spiders on my bedside full of cocoons and webs, and the last and latest one was me lying on an unknown bed, wearing this impossibly divine white decent night gown, with slimey webs and huge spiders all over my bed. With that every dream I had of spiders, I always woke up very scared and disturbed. Why would I dream of such detestable things? I don't want to dream about them anymore!!!!

I have consulted some psychics and dream dictionaries, and contrary to my fright, spiders were actually ancient symbols that signify something positive. One psychic told me that I was indeed spinning my web of destiny, and would encounter great things, one told me that I shouldn't fear of the unknown and success on business matters would be achieved. I was quite surprised with the feedback they gave me for I didn't see spider as anything positive. Another website I've viewed regarding spiders is that right now, alot of people have been dreaming of spiders because a new constellation ( shaped like a spider ) is the emerging constellation to be nearest planet Earth. Weird!

anyway, I am just going to focus on keeping a positive mind. Believe it or not, thinking positive works wonders - worked for me! :)

My Site's Up! =)

2005-09-14T15:27:00.000+08:00

My site's up! this is one of my advertising/marketing investments that I believe will help increase my sales! (hahahaha) For my friends, please take time to convince your parents to make me your official printer ( hi auntie! hi uncle! ), and please do spread the word and share my website with everyone!!! thanks!

http://www.megaluckprints.com

Encounter with My Mind

2005-09-08T22:28:00.000+08:00

For the nth time, I shall be stressing the huge part of my mind became idle since I graduated. Studies, way back, took a large fraction of my time, leaving me little time to ponder about things, specially about my life. I can personally attest that even work does not occupy a huge space in your brain, for after working hours, you are left to relax and prepare for the next day, not necessarily staying up late just to memorize stuff. Great thing that there is internet connection at home and in my office, it makes me surf all I want with all the matters that I was really interested in way back in high school and college.

Just this week, I have stumbled upon a lost passion that I unconsciously gave up to give way to my studies : new age topics. I have been continuously fascinated by Atlantis, the truth about it, their way of life, and everything. Aside from that, Ancient Egypt - the book of the dead, and the absolute knowledge about life which was known way back in the ancient times, and tarot reading.

Regarding Atlantis, I have been very interested about its existence way back in highschool that I even did a report for English on the theories of its existence. The only known documentation that Atlantis existed was just in literature which was not even held valid - Plato's Criteas and Timaeus, I think two of Plato's Dialogues. I stumbled upon the forum that discusses that Atlantis was indeed real, and there were spiritual people, and ways of living were in forms of crystal energies and advanced sorts. Too bad it doesn't exist now. It's said to be near Greece, or the Atlantic Ocean. Others say it's in the Carribeean. No matter what other people say, the world was young then, alot of things could have happened then and the world was very much different than now- the continents could have been Pangea still then. Scientists say that Atlantis is just a myth, while spiritualists, or new age people claim that they're true, based on their meditations and spiritual studies. Cool, huh. :)

With Ancient Egypt, they're known to be the ancient civilization that started it all ( contesting with China, which was a world apart then ). The secrets of life at that time were revealed to the high priests, and the fact that some human beings actually knew what the secrets of life were intriguing. I don't know. I'm starting to get boring.

Before I stray away from my topic, I was able to get a past life reading from a psychic, and he/she told me that I was an ancient Egyptian way back, and met my soulmate there. My second life, I was a sad Chinese woman who killed herself because of misery, and in the third life, I was a Romanian ( Romania! I h ave previously told this blog about my fascination for Romania..hmm..) playa-gypsy who broke hearts. Darn, the moment that person told me that ( whole details of my pastlife i could not disclose ), I immediately felt a pang of deja vu - like someone told me that before already. Woah. And it made sense. Knowing what I am right now, all the descriptions of my past lives and me right now really really matched. I was surprised. The challenge for me now is to face my karma that I had accumulated over my past lives, give off some positive energy and make things right.

I seem to sound very weird, but this is me. I have always been interested with these kinds of stuff. I even read Jaime Licauco's book that said that reincarnation wasn't necessarily against the teachings of the Church. Before, way way before, reincarnation was widely accepted and part of the Christian faith until Justinian, an emperor, took it out of the teachings because his wife didn't like the teaching , or maybe just didn't work for her or was afraid of karma. Whatever. I don't even know what to believe in. But still, I love God, and I know that there is truly a higher being that is with us.

Well, my last topic being the tarot, is that I have felt that I had the intuitive talent to read tarot cards. I'm no expert, but I can happily say that I can feel them, and get messages from them. Until now, I am still hesitant to get a deck of my own - I don't know if it is my fear of getting bad vibes, attracting evil spirits , or some sorts. But some good people explained to me how the tarot works - it's a psychological tool, that helps you understand more of yourself and others.It's actually the subconscious muscle that picks out the cards, and when you read it, reveals your subconscious mind. That's cool to think, because tarots are actually safe. I still am not ready to get them, but I will, someday, when I am fully willed to buy a beautiful deck of tarot cards from Powerbooks. :)

Well, so much for my lengthy but nonesense entry. :)

Cousin in a Paperbag

2005-09-05T23:16:00.000+08:00

My uncle from HK visited us awhile ago, and brought some delicious wasabe snacks! They're simply wonderful - imagine munching Snacku, and instead of tasting its neutral, MSG-ish flavor, your taste buds begin to burst into flames blowing off some irritating ( but cool ) air into your nose. That's wasabe!!! haha :) That snack simply made my day, aside from the Picnic Ketchup that I am munching right now.

One thing I've always dreamed of is being a star - well call it makapal, but if I had the great looks that artistas had, I wouldnt even hesitate to join showbusiness! Sigh..tough luck! Anyways, I'm still glad that someone in the family made it! It's my cousin Carol from HK! :) She's been winning model searches, being in ads in subway stations there, and currently, she's in a paperbag. haha what I mean is her pictures are in a paperbag, for she is currently modelling for an eyeglass brand there. :) My uncle brought some stuff home, giving us news on our cousin who is near fame ( did I mention that she was in an MTV as well? ), and some magazine spreads that featured her. Well here they are :

Hands Oh So Busy

2005-09-03T00:03:00.000+08:00

I've been in sheer delight with my stable ADSL connection now, but another situation has arisen that compelled me not to post entries in my blog. As much as I want to pour all my thoughts here - I do have some soul crisis, or issues of my own which I'd like to get out of my system, I got busy this week trying to finish a deadline. I've been working more than 12 hours a day until the wee hours of the morning simply to finish something that my company's employees do. My quality control principles and dedication to the project could not be matched by anyone bu my dad, and I am thankful for his support. So there ya go, I've been bringing tons of work home, until bedtime - folding folding scored brochure leaves since I don't want anyone else doing them. I just hope I finish this in time! hehe :)
They say that money is the root of all evil. I beg to disagree. It is the medium of transaction of every citizen in this world. Everything in excess is just bad - try to relate that to monetary gluttony. Now those people can go to hell. I find nothing wrong in aspiring to get lotsa moolah for a greater purpose - like for me, to send my younger sisters to school, to give my family a more comfortable although not exactly luxurious lifestyle, and to give my dad his much-deserved break that is way overdue. My reason for saying this ? I am still on my race to financial success, and it isn't an easy task. I just have to be super positive, like what I have learned in this mystic forum.

My friend Diana gave me this website addy which gave out free readings, and I asked for one. One person told me that I was special, but the people around me had negative auras that tend to rub off on me. That was quite a creepy reading since I have heard that more than once already. I mean, who are these people? anyways, her advice for me was to be positive and simply believe that things would happen.

I was supposed to post a super long entry about dental surgery last week here, but to my dismay ( and to the glee of anyone who reads my blog since they're spared the boring topic ), my computer suddenly restarted, and I almost shouted, but I couldn't since I was fresh from the surgery. I've been recuperating , and I still am eating plenty although advised not to. I can't help it. I'm a pig.

I miss my friends! To my surprise, I have recovered from the dental surgery sooner than I have expected, and I could go out this Saturday already. I'm meeting up with my best friends, then next week, my other group of Chinese mafia - my other great to the nth power buddies in DLSU :)

I want to buy dollars before they turn 60. Sigh. Bahala na.

I'm not giving a closing remark in my entry. So there.

I'M backkkk

2005-08-26T08:58:00.000+08:00

Had a bad night's sleep. Swallowed half a pill to be able to sleep, went drowsy at eleven oclock PM, happily drifted to dreamland, but woke up at 3 am!!! Wah.... I was having a wonderful dream about eating a huge buffet at Circles, getting everything I could , my plate overflowing with steaks, and other yummy treats, and still vying for the fruits section..then ALAS! my dream-mate suddenly tells me my purse is gone, then I leave Circles to look for it...when I finally retrieve it from the ladies room, I come back for my gastronomical feast..then...Circles is gone! Closed, with service crews fixing it up, and my food GONE!!! Isn't that quite a nightmare? That was the most horrible dream I've ever had so far! Ohwell...I slept again, and woke up just now by a ringing sound that I haven't heard for so long...my telephone! I haven't had a phone line since late July, ergo no ADSL connection for me for the whole month since there's been the nasty trend of stealing phone cables in our place..and they stole them TWICE! I was whopping with joy as PLDT told me that my line was fixed and I absolutely shouted a big MARAMING SALAMAT PO to them! :) Now I can't wait to surf the net, make more blog entries ( since I've been crawling, slowly crawling with my dial-up using my Bayantel line at the office for the past week..argh, agonizing, I can't ever switch back to Dialup again, with the comforts ADSL gives me..haha impatient bitch :) ) Anyway....Welcome back Sophie to the fast internet connection world!! wheee :)

Survey from Fran

2005-08-08T18:49:00.000+08:00

I've been answering surveys nonstop ever since I got stressed, ironic, that I have an impending deadline and I'm trying to get rid of that heart-stopping feeling by typing rapidly on the screen. hehe :)

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Three names you go by:

1. Soph
2. Sophie
3. Soap

Three screen names you have had:

1. DesTiNy ( eek i was so young then )
2. Princesscharm
3. VjSophie

Three physical things you like about yourself:

1. JUST the color of my eyes
2. my waist ( which is to get bloated months from now )
3. my brain ( I guess )

Three physical things you don't like about yourself:

1. tummy
2. posture
3. legs

Three parts of your heritage:

1. Chinese

2. Chinese

3. Filipino
Three things that scare you:

1. huge spiders
2. sharp objects
3. high places

Three of your everyday essentials:

1. water
2. cellfone/telephone/internet (any mode of communication)
3. FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDD!!!!

Three things you are wearing right now:

1. semi-loose polo blouse
2. pants
3. Sandals I bought from Franfran:)

Three of your favorite bands or musical artists:

1. Corrs
2. REO Speedwagon
3. Aerosmith ( i guess? ) can I add one more? Roxette

Three things you want in a relationship:

1. true love ( includes intense chemistry, understanding, and same level of emotional maturity)
2. humor
3. respect and truth in everything

Two truths & a lie (in no particular order):

1. I love to eat
2. I'm a die-hard workaholic
3. I love Math

Three physical things about the opposite sex that appeal to you:

1. like Fran, I love chinky-eyed boys with glasses
2. height, must adequately compliment my height as well
3. must be of normal weight :P

Three of your favorite hobbies:

1. surfing the net
2. shopping
3. reading books

Three things you want to do really badly now:

1. watch a movie
2. take a hot shower
3. eat at a very very very yummy buffet resto/hotel

Three careers you're considering/you've considered:

1. manager at a multinational company
2. printer and make family's business grow <--this came true so far
3. be a newscaster
Three places you want to go on vacation:

1. Europe...ALL OVER EUROPE!
2. America...NORTH AND SOUTH!
3. Antartica cruise

Three kid's names you like:
1. Elizabeth
2. Victoria
3. Maria
actually. ALOT, but i forgot na!

Three things you want to do before you die:
1. Love til my heart hurts
2. Buy my family a huge house
3. Go to a pilgrimage to Jesus' birthplace and Rome

Three ways that you are stereotypically a boy:

1. I'm so messy
2. I can carry heavy stuff! ( cargador! )
3. I'm warfreak. hahaha joke. I'm very domineering sometimes.

Three ways that you are stereotypically a girl:

1. I'm so in love with makeup and beauty
2. I love to shop
3. I'm a human emotional ferris wheel.

Three celeb crushes:

1. Hugh Jackman
2. Colin Firth
3. Bae Yong June
sige na...#4 : hugh grant. :P

Three people that i would like to see take this quiz now:

well tapos na c friendfriend fran....
1. Sharlene Mango (hehe)
2. Angel!!!!!!!!!!
3. Katherina! ( Katz! yes, you ! :) )

Friends

2005-08-08T09:02:00.000+08:00

What You Really Think Of Your Friends

Jacqe is your soulmate.

You truly love Katz.

You consider Angel your true friend.

You know that Stephanie Jayne is always thinking of you.

You'll remember Lorraine for the rest of your life.

You secretly think Anna is creative, charming, and a bit too dramatic at times.

You secretly think that Cristine is colorful, impulsive, and a total risk taker.

You secretly think that Joyce is loyal and trustworthy to you. And that Joyce changes lovers faster than underwear.

You secretly think Maisie is shy and nonconfrontational. And that Maisie has a hidden internet romance.

What Do You Think of Your Friends?

Deadlines Make Me Feel Dead.

2005-08-07T22:22:00.000+08:00

Printers always get the blame in the end. Overall, my chosen career also has a job description of taking the blame all the time - even if we're not totally responsible for it - such as bad graphics ( pixelated, as I may say, I blame the graphic artist ), bad prints resulting from pixelated low-res graphics, typographical errors, late output due to delays from both sides ( printers and clients as well ). Almost everything could be blamed with us. I had a hard time adjusting to this new unglamorous lifestyle because way back in my academic life, I hardly take the blame because I do my job with all my best effort, and assurance that it would be definitely quality output. With regards to my work, I guard my job like a young hawk. My dad even says that my eyes were very sharp for I could see the smallest of mistakes, even if the mistakes were very unnoticeable. In other words, wala akong pinapalampas na mali sa mga trabaho ko. I love getting raves from my clients, for they make me so happy, and the feeling is far greater than what I get financially. But being in my job for 3 months, I have finally understood the legal terms that I have learned in Comlaw one, such as force majeur and acts of man ( can anyone supply me this posh Latin translation? ).

In other words, no matter how you practice perfection in your job, there will always be other forces that would hinder your perfect plans, so extra caution, and allowances in time should be given into consideration. Wag basta basta mangangako ng deadline, wag iipitin yung oras for a deadline, or else ikaw ang maiipit Woah, was that just me, or I have gone cynical already? Well, I wouldn't call that being a cynic, but just very prepared. I just hope that I'd be as good as my dad. I'm eyeing on a course on graphic design, but my mom constantly laughs me off that I'm not patient enough to learn graphic design. Ay, ewan. I wanna learn Spanish, French, graphic design, culinary arts, and still alot of stuff. Am I really ready for work? I don't know. I think I am immensely enjoying my new career because outputs make your stress worthwhile, but I still would want to learn alot of stuff. Like study @ AIM- where I am eyeing an entrepreneurship course. I don't know.

...and I want a new convection oven!!!! Ours has been broken for a year already, and I miss baking pizza crusts..hay! and not to mention baked pasta. Sigh.

...Grabe the inflow of thoughts that I have now. Very incoherent. Why? Blame it on the very loud music I have on my earphones right now. I bought these earphones to be able to learn French via Audio cd, but I didn't have the heart. Maybe Spanish would spice me up? hehe :)

I almost forgot why I put that title on my blog. Well, this week his hell week for me. I have a very tight deadline to meet on Friday. My contact at one of these companies gave me the design late already that we can hardly deliver it on Friday. Color separation on Mon-Tues, printing on Wed-Thurs, folding and stitching Friday morning? Don't think so. And I'm all to blame if I wouldn't be able to give the output on time. And we agreed that the design would be in Wednesday, and the design was surrendered Friday 5pm. Hay, buhay. I'll be having my overtime this week for sure, as well as another deadline with another company. Kaloka. But I'm doing this for my family. I just hope we earn enough to live by ( woah, that's so drama )

Anyways , for blog readers, please vote for my friend Abby, contestant #21 at Closeup to Fame. Buy any Closeup product and text Close Up [your name] contestant # ( type #21 ) [sticker code that you find in your product ] to 2256. :) Please! She's very good naman :) Thanks!

And, for printing jobs, contact me!!! I'd be happy to give quality service for your respective companies:) email me at megaluckprints@yahoo.com :)

Santol and Sapaw

2005-08-06T15:01:00.000+08:00

Tension is slowly creeping upon my body. Working for my family business has been very fruitful, but sometimes you can't help but be in a shouting match with your boss. I say something, he misundersands, and leads to a shouting match. Oh well. Sometimes I feel like employee that my boss just wants to pick on me, and suddenly makes an excuse to say something not so nice to me whatsoever. This has been testing my patience lately. Other than that, work is good. I can feel the economy being severely depressed. Maybe as depressed as I am.

I have mentioned in my previous entries that my natural highs are different kinds of food. I can be totally content, no, not just content, but be blissfully happy with a can of locally made sardines ( I still love them over Del Monte's imported version..too pretensious ), or any kind of food that I haven't tasted in a long while. I love eating hot sardines on a cold, wet, rainy evening, and I love the way my version of beef balls taste, blending it with the sinigang that one of my housemates cooked. In short, I just love, love food.

I haven't eaten santol like, for years already, and a few days ago, mom went home and gave me santol to eat. I was as happy as a little girl, and coated very thickly the whole of santol with nothing , but sugar! Ang sarap sarap! Seriously, I thought it was pure heaven.

Well what about sapaw? A few days have made me realize how I am annoyed with this certain person. From day one we met, he/she told me that he graduated top of his class in high school. I mean, what a way to introduce yourself. I felt that he was very mayabang, and he didn't even have to tell me about his achievements since his classmates could tell me that. It was like, placing himself a notch higher than the rest of us.

As days progressed, he was mellow naman, and everything, but what really pissed me off was how he would pass the blame to me when something in the project was wrong, "oh, that wasn't my part " , " oh, Sophie did that", " oh, I was telling Sophie that that was the way to be done,", "oh, that was just I was telling Sophie." After the longest time, I have just realized that he was some egotistic freak. He would always make himself superior above the rest and claim false modesty. One time we had met up at school, all he could talk about was his achievements and how he was so great. I was trying to revert the topic but all he did was to return to that topic! He didn't even give me a chance to butt in and tell something about my life. I should have bought his time and let him spend it with himself. I mean, I am certainly not sourgraping about my not-so-fantastic life, but I am also happy for him because he has achieved things. What pisses me off is that he is like a broken record that forces me to listen to him again and again, without even considering what my life has become. It's to ironic that this has been a thing of the past and it has been years since I have met up with this person, and yet all of a sudden, I am furious because of a sudden recollection. Sue me.

A Fake Vampire

2005-07-14T21:51:00.000+08:00

Yeah, that's me.

All my life I've been fascinated with the idea of vampires. I've had very weird dreams starting age 5 about vampires. I could never forget my first dream about them. While I was very little, approximately 5 years old, I dreamt that I was omnipresent in the scene wherein there was a vampire party. People dressed in black, to my instinct being vampires, were having a party, with blood on their wineglasses. I woke up very much disturbed, got over it, but never really forgot about them. After that episode, I've had countless dreams about the supernatural - lycanthropy ( werewolfism ), and aswang ( I remember that I dreamt that the aswang was chasing me and she swallowed me whole. When she swallowed me whole, everything got pitch black and I jolted up from my bed ), and more vampire dreams. I've recently had vampire dreams, and I can't remember them now. Maybe I'll post them in the future.

Why I'm writing this is because recently, I've been very much hooked with Discovery Channel's documentary "True Horror" hosted by Buffy the Vampire Slayer's Anthony Head who played Giles, the bookworm knowledgeable in every supernatural phenomena and facts. I made sure to watch the documentaries every 11pm Tuesday nights even if I was tired from work because I really am interested in those topics. For the past few episodes, the facts and footages presented really shocked me. Muti murders in Africa, Zombies @ Haiti ( one must really watch that documentary to know the real meaning of zombies! ), werewolfism's history, and more. I have learned that alot of ideas in movies about the supernatural were very much overrated , ridiculous, and out of this world, nothing close to the real thing. But what disappointed me somewhat was their documentary on vampires. Being well-researched on that area, I was disappointed that they missed out on Santorini, Greece - the place to be said to have very fertile or special soil conditions that cause slower decomposition of human bodies, that made natives doubt about the dead being the undead. The documentary dwelled too much on Romania - I can't blame them, Romania houses the creepiest location to date - Transylvannia. Count Vlad's ( more popularly called as Count Dracula ) castle is to be found there. Even though I haven't been to Romania, I could feel the eerieness of the place. I felt it to be creepy, specially its location.

I was just disturbed that until now, people in that area still believed in vampires and desecrated a grave that they believed to be a vampire. I can't say it's weird, but their mentality must have conditioned them too much on believing vampires - you can't blame them, they're on the country host to Count Dracula.

I was also disturbed with the 1st accounted vampire, well I may not consider her a vampire, but she loved blood. The blood countess of Slovakia. Killed approximately 612 virgins- slashed their throats for her bath in the tub. I could imagine the insane euphoria she must have felt when warm blood trickled her body. It must be titillating or even erotic for her. It is said to have kept her skin looking younger. She was sentenced to lifetime prison for that..in a prison wherein her cell was cemented by bricks that she can't be seen anymore, and she was left there to rot. Her diary still exists up til now.

Anyway, back to my topic ( sorry for the incoherence ), I've always loved watching vampire movies, series, and reading novels ( I love Anne Rice's darkness, as well as Linda Lael Miller's limited vampire collection ). I will always be fascinated with vampires, but never will I wish to be a vampire. Vampires are said to be the antithesis of life- being the undead. I couldn't believe my eyes when the documentary covered a story about London during the 1970's - somebody actually became a vampire, and there was a priest who firmly believed in the supernatural who helped her recover. Grabe! :) The legions of the dark are indeed alive in planet earth. I hope not to encounter any of these in my life. I will be content with romantic vampire literature, and nothing else.

A few days ago, I had a blood test - one wherein a syringe would be used to get blood from my veins, and one wherein a lancet would get a droplet of blood in my finger. The latter, scared me to death I almost freaked out. I am phobic with blades. Absolutely blade-phobic. Tomorrow, I will accompany my mom for another blood test for a general checkup, and the idea of having my blood taken still is freaking me out up til now. And you call me a vampire enthusiast? hehe I am contradicting myself!

Reallocating Free Space in My Brain

2005-07-11T23:32:00.000+08:00

As I'm done with school and alot of my brain cells have relaxed a bit and are on vacation, reality checks have been bugging me lately for I am having more matters to attend to, and with this rude awakening, more stuff to think about. Great, just as I thought that my mental side would get to rest, new things to think about , being uninvited, crashed into my brain all too soon.

# 1 Family Matters : I am now officially involved with matters concerning my parents, my grandmother, and my siblings. Way back, I go home from school, and hear just 2 hours of my family's life. I don't even know why my dad is mad after a day, or what happened at work that day. To date, I am involved with family matters 24/7 because I am also working for them. Mom and dad entrust me with more serious stuff, business matters, and of course, matters of the heart. I play referee to quarelling parties, try to rationalize and be the adult, and I take part in decision making for family matters. Whew!

#2 Financial Matters : This is such a big ache in my brain, and brings out alot of frustration. This actually came up when I was tasked to look for a machine from abroad. Prices ranged from a few thousand dollars. The moment I converted them to peso..Ohmigod. Astronomical. Hardly affordable. It made me think, if our peso were still $1 - 25 php, Filipinos would surely be able to afford alot more, buy stuff from abroad, travel, and live a more luxurious lifestyle. In this country, you might earn a million bucks and be considered rich, but to the world, thats merely barya! ( a few shillings ), and still a pauper!! :( I mean, I've been working like a madwoman, and what I earn is just a measly amount that gets smaller and smaller because of economic crisis, political instability, and some other weird unexplainable factors. I don't make waldas naman. I'm not at fault, I repeat, I'M NOT AT FAULT! I save money wisely, but money crumbles into its smallest form when some political problem arises from this country of ours. This is so unfair!!!! It makes me want to take up Nursing ASAP to get out of this country to earn dollars. I am seriously considering that thought if nothing would improve as of what I'm seeing right now.

# 3 My Mid-Life Lonely Crisis : Refer to the lyrics "Lonely Won't Leave Me Alone" by Glenn Medeiros, please.

that's all, folks!

Coming Across a Wonderful Song

2005-07-09T21:06:00.000+08:00

It's a lazy Saturday night, and I'm home. Yes, I'm at home relaxing and not out with my friends. hehe :) I tuned in to my favorite Radio station @ Yahoo Launchcast, and just came across this wonderful song. Lemme share it with you guys :)

Don't Know Much ( Linda Ronstadt )

Look at this face I know the years are showing.
Look at this life I still don't know where it's going.
I don't know much but I know I love you.
That may be all I need to know.
Look at these eyes they never seen what matters.
Look at these dreams so beaten and so battered.
I don't know much but I know I love you.
That may be all I need to know.
So many questions still left unanswered.
So much I've never broken through.
And when I feel you near me,sometimes I see so clearly.
That only truth I'll never know is me and you.
Look at this man so blessed with inspiration.
Look at this soul still searching for salvation.
I don't know much but I know I love you.
That may be all I need to know.
I don't know much but I know I love you.
That may be all I need to know.
I don't know much but I know I love you
That may be all there is to know.

Other Great Songs to listen to :

Stand By Me ( PennyWise )
When a Man Loves a Woman
You Make Me Feel Like a Natural Woman
Nothing's Gonna Change my Love For You
After All

My Once-a-Week Bliss

2005-07-05T11:06:00.000+08:00

After a long, tiring week full of stress, deadlines, panicking, and hoping to finish jobs on time, I get my one-week's pay, definitely not material in nature. My friends certainly are my natural high.

My college barkada ate at Embassy last Saturday night. I was a bit overdressed, anticipating a gimicky crowd. Geez! It was so embarrassing. We ate there, but I think I got full because of my endless talking that I didnt need food anymore. The food in Embassy was good, but I could not actually rave much about it because I'm not a fan of semi-fine dining. It was good, I enjoyed it, but I'm not craving for it again. hehe :) We were horsing around, throwing each other jokes ( Lorraine being gulay, Katz being the _ _ _ guru, me being the Max hater, Jenn being teased with _ _ _ _ _ _ _ , Marion being linked with _ _ _ _ , Cristine being the corniest, and Magnus being the bf of the corny girl hehe ). It was really really fun! We laughed like kids there. Somehow, I felt that the crowd was a bit too mature for us for they were so silent and we're the only noisy ones there. We looked about the same age, but our behaviors indicated a huge gap. hehehe :) It's so much fun to hang out with kids at heart.

After, we went to Greenbelt for some coffee. Greenbelt, as usual, was jampacked. We didn't stay long, and some of us started to leave, until the night was over.

It just got me thinking how much I enjoy myself when I'm with these people. It was really destiny that brought us together, coming from different backgrounds, coming from other schools, well, maybe , DLSU is a good luck charm on us that that was our meeting ground for finding a true, and everlasting friendship that won't ever let you feel frustrated and sad. I mean, how could I stay depressed when I am with such jolly, wacky, and insane people like these?:)

The Yuppie Race

2005-07-02T15:16:00.000+08:00

The race to my first million. Some people told me that it wasn't possible to earn a million in a few years, but I bravely told them that it was possible. Now, I'm trying to prove them wrong by investing on my future - waking early mornings, anticipating jobs, learning more about the business, doing client calls, and vigilantly checking prints to be in sync with their prescribed colors. My job in sales isn't an easy one - one minute I'm happy for I get orders, but one minute I'm also feeling empty, and feeling hopeless for sometimes my proposals are also rejected.

I have prayed to God and Saint Therese to give me alot of job orders to be able to give my family a good life. I know that my wish is going to come true - but my path, my chosen path wouldn't be an easy one. I'll be experiencing ( in fact, I am ) backaches, sleepless nights, cramming, pangs of hopelessness sometimes, and sheer frustration. All those, I am currently trying my best to battle, to continue to my race to my first million.

It might sound really materialistic, but hey, this is a very nice way to divert from my mid-life loneliness crisis. The natural high of being able to be of service via printing to a company is enough drugs to help me numb of romantic seekings.

I am also fearful that in the end, I wouldn't be satisfied with the outcome of all my hardships. So that pushes me further into being a mega workaholic. Sigh.

In My Dreams...

2005-06-28T11:51:00.000+08:00

Sigh...I was hesitant to wake up for the multitude of emotions rushed into my deep, unconscious state. Bottomline? My age-old question:

Why do I feel true love only in my dreams?

Are they just vague memories of my past life? Perhaps my innermost thoughts? Then why is there a concrete person? In my dreams, I can clearly see him.

Upon waking up, I can envision him no more.

What might it like to live in a dream ? Weightless, feeling none of my physicality, floating, and feeling nothing but pure rushes, waves, torrents of emotion.

Reminds me of my favorite REO Speedwagon Song:
And we climb, and climb, and at the top we fly, let the world go on below us,
we are lost in time..and I don't know really what it means, all I know is that
you love me, in my dreams

Granted Wish

2005-06-26T13:14:00.000+08:00

I've been praying to Saint Therese for almost a month now...and they say that the manifestation of a granted wish is unexpectedly seeing a lovely rose. I kept my faith even though I wasn't able to see a rose for such a long time, until I saw a roomful of roses at a restaurant last night. My joy couldn't be compared to anything in the world. I felt pure, gratifying bliss that my wish would come true. Well part of it already came true hours before I left the house - getting an unexpected call from a company.

The wish I asked was of material nature. Usually, wishes like this don't get granted. But my wish, in this case , wasn't just for me. It was for my family to be able to live a more comfortable life - dad being not too busy all the time, and to be able to fulfill his dreams by making our business grow and see concrete results.

With this granted wish, I share to you this powerful prayer to Saint Therese. :)

O Little Therese of the Child Jesus, Please pick for me a rose from the heavenly gardens and send it to me as a message of love. Ask God to grant me the favor I implore, and tell him I will love Him each day more and more..

24 Glory Be's with after each Glory Be, saying "Saint Therese of the Child Jesus, Pray for Us. "

"Holy Trinity, God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Ghost, I thank Thee for all the blessings and favors Thou hast showered upon the soul of Thy servant Theresa of the Child Jesus, during the twenty-four years she spent here on earth, and in consideration of the merits of this Thy most beloved Saint, I beseech Thee to grant me this favor, if it is in accordance with Thy most Holy Will and is not an obstacle to my salvation."

O glorious Saint Therese, whom God Almighty has raised up to aid and counsel mankind, I implore your Miraculous Intercession. So powerful are you in obtaining every need of body and soul our Holy Mother Church proclaims you a "Prodigy of Miracles...the Greatest Saint of Modern Times." Now I fervently beseech you to answer my petition (mention request) and to carry out your promises of spending Heaven doing good upon earth... of letting fall from Heaven a Shower of Roses. Henceforth, dear Little Flower, I will fulfill your plea" to be made known everywhere" and I will never cease to lead others to Jesus through you. Amen.

Moi a Milk Chocolatey...I Likey...=D

2005-06-24T00:05:00.000+08:00

You are Milk Chocolate

A total dreamer, you spend most of your time with your head in the clouds.
You often think of the future, and you are always working toward your ideal life.
Also nostelgic, you rarely forget a meaningful moment... even those from long ago.

What Kind of Chocolate Are You? Take This Quiz :-)

Find the Love of Your Life
(and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

Buhay Entrepreneur

2005-06-23T23:51:00.000+08:00

Lately, entrepreneur life has been growing on me. I had my first stroke of luck when I met freelance graphic artists from my OJT company by which I was able to handle and service their printing jobs. I am loving my career as an entrepreneur despite my dreams of becoming a corporate bigshot months back.I get to work at my own time, dictate my own income ( though not exactly big, I actually get a modest income ), and get to bond with my parents more for I work for them. I'm just happy with the fact that I'm working for sales- in a multinational company I might earn this much for my salary + a little commission and other profits go to that company, but with my dad's company, I am able to hand over some of the profits to him as well. That way, I am able to help with the household expenses and my sisters' education expenses net of my salary :) I'm glad, and I pray everynight to be able to help my father's business grow :)

My last day as a college lass

2005-06-18T00:12:00.000+08:00

It's almost 1 am, and I'm graduating in 12 hours. I can't sleep. There's been alot in my mind lately. Actually, for this week, with all the graduation practices and the CBE graduation, i didn't really take it seriously, thinking that it was nothing, until I attended my CBE graduation. Drama rose into my eyes when I started listening to the graduation speeches and the hugs and proud smiles I got from my college professors ( Ms. Mitzie and Ms. Austria ). Panic welled into me- this is the end of my college life. I'm finally done with everything. Everything academic. Me, compared to a buoy, is suddenly thrown into the sea by its owner, allowed to move freely without any restrictions, and is only required of one thing - to survive.

I would really really miss school. The moments wherein I would voluntarily sleep late to finish my reviews, papers, and lessons until I get really bad headaches, the moments that I laugh about my amusing professors in class, and the moments I bond with my friends. I shall never forget the lessons college life has given me. Being independent, being vindictive, being persevering, and being goal-focused. I am so happy to be able to bring home the bacon to my parents as I graduate with honors, for this is my gift to them, for being such good and supportive parents, never failing to always stand behind me whenever I need help, and even in moments when I don't need help. It was also quite ironic that I got the best intern award since the company I had my Ojt on didn't even like me. The only people who liked me were my division people- the wonderful salon division + my very cool boss Tessa. I texted her with the good news, and she congratulated me. She was also embarking new tasks of her own, being a product manager of another division. It was kind of her to reply to me even if I didn't work there anymore. That just proves that genuine people still exist :)

Going back, I don't even want to close my eyes. Why? Because I am horribly afraid of what's about to happen to me after graduation. There are alot of uncertainties that I would be facing, and I could not hide in books this time. This will make me more of a courageous person- to face problems, and actually solve them on my own. Sigh. whatever the future holds, I will always use my perseverance to be able to achieve my goals. Gosh, remembering back, I was crying a river when I didn't make it in Ateneo or DLSU. I started from the mud, knowing nothing about math, learning Algebra the first time in college first year until I actually learned it, as I stood up, braved DLSU, and now, I finally made it. I will use the perseverance and diligence I developed during my college years and my ojt years to face the world. After all, my next job is to chase my dreams- a lifelong career.

Time to go to sleep. Time to face my future.

Paris and Nicky's Birthday Weekend

2005-06-12T18:57:00.000+08:00

Angel and I planned the birthday party 2 weeks beforehand to be able to inform everyone and have good attendance. And I'm actually very happy we did this :)

My day started yesterday with accompanying my sister to SM Fairview for her Marketing observation project. As we rushed home, I packed my bags and my dad drove me to DLSU to meet with Angel who's just done with her Orient class that day. I was more than late! hehehe :)

When we arrived at her house, we went to her room and I picked or gave choices of what she could wear. In the end, I talked her into wearing this really nice and sexy halter top ( well, I chose the orange but she went with the black ). This is a revolution! She has been liberated from her collared shirts, and finally attempting to loosen up and feel confident about herself :) I also wore black, so we called ourselves the Hilton sisters - her being Paris for being long-haired, and me Nicky for being short-haired. Hehe :) We even had some poses ( think Simple life- Interns! hahaha ) :)

8pm and still no guests. I called Jill and she told me they were on their way. They jokingly asked /told me that our party ends on 12 midnight. People in the car ( who i could hear thru the celfone ) were actually laughing about that, for maybe, they perceived us as serious people who have strict parents/strict personalities that party ends early. I told them that we weren't that killjoy..our party would end at 10pm! haha, another round of laughter. Goodness.Our guests arrived at 9pm, and finally, we got to eat! I was way starving and our guests wouldn't even want to touch the food because they were the early birds. When more people came, we finally ate together initially at the kitchen, then at the sofa. :) I didn't actually talk to everyone there since I had a fallout with a friend last time, and I invited him to our party since I didn't want to look bad and maybe it was my way of saying peace, but to the point that he wasn't even minding me during the party was unbelievable. They wouldn't expect me to have the initiative to strike up a conversation since I already did the inviting. sheesh.

I enjoyed bonding with Winkle, for we only see each other once in a blue moon. He was always one of my favorite friends , kachikahan, and songmate. Jill and I were in a very businesslike conversation yesternight for we had business to do, and I was actually appreciative that she was able to open up more to me, that signals a start of a beautiful and trustful friendship :) Aside from that, my other friends were real sweethearts greeting us, talking to us, laughing with us, and playing games with us. :)

It was quite unique from our usual parties- with people getting wasted, dancing around, and some "other" happenings. People were actually just sitting down and talking while drinking minimally. It made me think that people were more serious this time, out of the "solace" and shelter of school- being faced in the real world with real responsibilities and problems, and the drinking rate has definitely significantly gone down! :) People were talking about jobs, problems, and graduation- I don't know. Are we actually getting old?

When the people left already, we started cleaning up and retreated to Angel's room. I felt like we were the bestfriends in One Tree Hill - Brooke and Peyton. We stayed awake lying next to each other, sharing our lives with our innermost thoughts, telling each other stories, and just telling each other anything that pops out of our mind ( well, that's more of her! haha ) :) It definitely will be one of my most memorable moments in my college life, or if not, in my life. :) I slept dreamless, while she dreamt about academics. :P

When someone knocked in our door, the awakening dawned to me that our birthday weekend was over. We tried to extend it a bit, for I didn't really want it to end, but it really had to. As I went out of the door and in my dad's car, I left a wonderful house, but I never really did leave. The memory of our birthday weekend will always be there- one of the highlights of our youth, something to think about fondly when we grow old, maybe when I'm in Atty. Angel's office asking legal advice :)

Got Nothing to Write About

2005-06-08T23:52:00.000+08:00

But my fingers are itching to type in a story or two. Perhaps I'm just too exhausted with work that I just want it left behind when I come home. Well perhaps, not too, because I voluntarily bring my work home and try to figure out business problems at home. Ano ba talaga? Well, I'm a mess right now because I can't sleep at night even though I'm dead tired, but I have to wake up early in the morning even if I don't want to , for the sake of my future. Then, at the office, I enthusiastically work like there's no tomorrow, but at the same time I'm tired. Well, let's just rephrase it. I'm a happy mess. I am currently happy in the mess my biological clock is caught in, and I am also happy with the way my life is right now. I don't feel the loneliness [ feeling I don't have someone to extend my feelings to ], but still, I had a horrible dream last night about him.

He is the merciless torturer who haunts me in my dreams. Dreams not of heartbreaking sweetness of his being as an illusion or subconscious wanting of him ( like dreaming of a crush actually noticing you), but dreams that directly triggers pain , heartbreak, and sadness. I dreamt that he was kissing his beloved, happily settled in a Carinderia. Content in their smiles, kisses, and open affection. In my dream, I was crying like hell. I mean, how pathetic. I woke up with a heavy heart, swearing that I never want to dream anything like that again.

Hopefully I can effectively detach myself from wanting him too much. I'm being inefficiently allocating my resources. I shall fully exploit my resources to gain maximum profit. Well, back to business talk nalang. Much, much better. I think I'm better at that department ( hopefully, I pray for that everynight)

So , there goes. I REALLY got nothing to write about. Gibberish paragraphs.

My Birthday Wishlist

2005-06-05T21:48:00.000+08:00

Shucks, I am getting old! It seemed like a long time since I had my Ojt , waiting for my graduation, and having my 22nd birthday. And as my graduation is coming near ( a week to go ), and my birthday ( more than a week to go ), I can't help but wonder how time flies fast. I'm now waking up early in the morning helping out in our office, getting jobs, seeking more customers, and brainstorming with my dad.

Nonetheless, I deserve the time of my life during my birthday! :) I'm gonna be thankful that I have lived my 22 years in this world a happy girl. :) I've been blessed with a wonderful family, 4 wonderful sets of friends, and a good academic record :) I'm very optimistic towards my future, being game for anything, and being willing to do anything to make our family business prosper. I hope my plans would come into a great success..

Well, heto na! my birthday wishlist ( a very practical one )

: This skin resurfacer/polisher from The Body Shop!!! I'm dying to try that :)
: Shoes from Schu / Pretty Fit ( they look gorgeous )
: a pair of havaianas fashion in pink ( me a size 8 )
: an in-tray for my desk
: stuffs for my new desk in the office
: a cute pillow to use in my office
: a calling card holder for my new desk
: a ninewest shoulder bag
: a denman brush
: MORE CUSTOMERS IN MY OFFICE!!!!!! :) ( refer me, people!! )

haha ang babaw ko tlaga :)

Rockwell on the Rocks

2005-05-29T00:46:00.000+08:00

I'm very much surprised that I ended this day just sane enough to sleep.

My friend Joyce picked me up, and we fetched Maisie to watch Star Wars at the mall, and go grab our dream Havaianas Kitty Heels @ Aura Athletica. Good thing I was in decent attire, when I bumped into my biggest crush in my college life, ever. I couldn't believe what I saw- he was his ex girlfriend, well maybe not "ex" for long or the "ex" was slashed out already to her nametag. I grabbed the guts to wave and say hi, but as I walked away, I couldn't help but feel so frustrated and..I don't know. Maybe I just really really like this guy. Last January, I told myself I'm not liking him anymore since I found out that he was courting his ex, but lately, I've been entertaining second thoughts that perhaps I still have a chance on him if I make more pacute ( Yuck! I sound like a guy here ). I just believe that he is one in a million- and I can't tell why. This sucks.

My money-spending came to a dazzling speed upon that depression attack, and I bought tons of bread for my family members ( their eyes lighten up when I bring home Bread Talk breads ). I wasn't aware that the store I went into charged so high for candies because with Candy Corner or any store like that, I get to spend 200 maximum. I just got what I thought was a hundred worth, and when I saw the bill, it was 500 bucks! Gosh... I didn't need / want to buy candies worth 500 bucks! I immediately told the guy to lessen the candies there. To my pride, I just bought 200 worth of sweets.

Star Wars was nice. Considering I haven't seen any Star Wars movie in my whole life, this was pretty good. Now it made me want to watch the past Star Wars episodes.

Hanging out with my two close friends was pretty fun. I was happy to be able to listen and talk about their problems, happenings, as well as my share of those too. Too bad I was depressed that moment we went to Rockwell because of my first sight. I'm also a little embarrassed since it was so babaw that I let it affect me. Maisie told me that she thought my reaction was funny because I was like the girlfriend who caught her boyfriend cheating with her with another girl. Hay buhay! I just want to laugh this off and sleep , sleep and sleep.

My only consolation?

(but the one I bought was black all over :) )

Icky Wicky FUN! :)

2005-05-22T00:04:00.000+08:00

After a week's worth of work, I told my dad I was having a day off. He laughed me off, saying that my job with my dad does not have any day offs, even on Sundays. But in the end, he finally let me go because he knew how hard and dedicated I was in helping with our family business.

Colorblind fetched me 10 am sharp, and I was quite surprised that he didn't have any trouble finding my house for people usually get lost finding my house. We sped off, and caught up on each other's lives. Turns out he's really involved with helping people, as well as getting excited for law school. My close friend's gonna be in the frat!! Cool!!!!

Looking back or rather , reflecting the night before, I was getting alarmed that Tsubasa was crying for days upon reading her blog, and she wouldn't even try to enjoy herself and give herself a break. So I was really persistent on making her come, to the point that I was virtually dragging her butt to Greenbelt na. Good thing, my mission was accomplished. I actually made her laugh a little. But I think she met her happy pill once again. Hihihi :)

I was so happy bonding with my eco blockmates again. Blockmates who were working in call centers were talking about their jobs ( which I am not really well-oriented, thank God they were happy to tell me how the job works ), non-graduating blockmates who were happy that they weren't graduating yet, and the shift of topics from academics to jobs were really confusing, but really cool :)
Overall, I was very happy to meet up with these wonderful people. I gave out my calling cards, as part of my PR for my company. hehe :)

We ate at Kitchen and my pesto was flavorless. I put so much hotsauce but it still wouldn't make my tastebuds whee in delight. Oh well. My consuelo was coffee at Coffee Bean. I just love their Green tea frappe. Way better than Starbuck's.

We made chika all afternoon long . From Memories of Bali, to law school, to Timi's Europe backpacking, to problems everyone was having, and to of course, lovelife ! :) I was actually missing Anna, because she was the only one I can talk hardcorely about Filipino teleseryes. Winkle and I talked about Memories of Bali. At least! I'm talking to him once he watches more teleseryes! :) We talked and talked until people were almost ready to leave, and Cristine and I headed to the Fort to meet my Berks ( college transferee barkada ) for dinner.

While waiting for Katz at Fitness First, Cristine and I made chika about our lives. Considering that we haven't seen each other for just a month, we felt that we haven't seen each other for a long time already. Cristine is such an enjoyable shop buddy and kakwentuhan. She laughs at almost everything, and Tsubasa brands her as plain crazy! hehe :) love that girl :)

I tripped inside Fitness First ( yes, i tripped and sprained something in my leg ), and as Katz emerged from the flight of stairs, it made me want to go to the gym! Her body was so buff, and she has lost alot of weight. I wish I had that kind of discipline that she has :) As usual, I had to squeeze her like an orange to be able to get the latest lovelife news, hay nako! haha :) Anyway, we strolled around the Fort to find good restaurants to pig out in.

When Lorraine arrived, kwentuhan was at full blast. They talked about their Ojt at ING, we talked about maid troubles ( like ours who ran away, and some who asked for ice cream as palaman for tinapay, and maids who were more luxurious than us), business problems, and everything that anyone can talk of. The food , I think, was enough, but we weren't able to finish them since we kept on talking during dinner, that the air became our main dish. :)

Lorraine and I talked on the car nonstop - about hair, primarily. I like pampering Lorraine with beauty advice because it's such a nice idea to prettify her pretty hair :) We exchanged hair advice, and talked more about stuff :)

I bought home alot of pasalubongs for my sisters ( Go Nuts DOnuts, Chimara, and Bread Talk ) , and good thing dad just arrived when I arrived home. I wasn't scolded, but I had to take a shower right away because I felt so ICKY ICKY AND ICKY! The weather is so humid that I felt so sticky. Grabe! Anyway, that icky feeling did not stop me from enjoying tremendously in the company of great friends, whom I'll be sure to cherish forever:)

Pics of Ecoblock ( although not complete )
1. Girl Power Pix

2. Timi, me gonna miss ya!!!

3. Winkle talaga, nakakatuwa forever

Pics of Berks
1. Cwishie!!!

2. Pang sex and the city, o Meteor Garden girl version? :P

Haha :)

2005-05-16T20:08:00.000+08:00

Got this from Fran's site :)

You're Almost Ready to Get Married, But Not Quite

No doubt that you've warmed up to the idea of marriage and life long love

You just aren't quite ready to follow up with your desires, yet.

You may be a bit young, or a bit commitment phobic… give it time.

Concentrate on guys who you can imagine being with next year. Forever can wait.

Are You Ready for Marriage? Take This Quiz :-)

Find the Love of Your Life
(and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

The Unfinished Poem

2005-05-12T02:20:00.000+08:00

While browsing through files and trying to check which ones I can get rid of, I stumbled into this unfinished poem of mine. it's 2:20 am, and my parents are still working for they're rushing something, and I'm still awake pondering alot about things. For now, I'm attempting to finish this poem. I'll try tonight:)
--------------------------
Don't Cling to me when the fruits fall down
As they change shades and it's time to fall on the ground
Don't cling to me like the vines hang on
Hopelessly to the pole that is emotionless with your strangle
Don't cling to me like seasons,
for a cycle is cursed with constant change, so soon that it crushes the heart.
Don't cling to me with a lover's embrace
For you won't feel warmth from a stone.
Don't cling to me when the love is gone
For love only blooms once on the once fertile earth,
& Useless it is to plant something on rocky soil.
--------------

this poem is not yet done! for revision:) this is just the sleepy me trying to write:)

Helping and more Helping

2005-05-11T00:24:00.000+08:00

I've been busy for the past few days, going to the office ( which is downstairs ) to help out my parents. Honestly, I thought that it was very boring at first, and I tried lazing out instead of helping for the past few years because I still had school, but with my graduation nearing, I felt like I had nothing to do next, so I tried helping downstairs in my own way. I learned alot of things- such that our business is not a very easy craft to learn. I could not learn it in a day or so, since my dad is already an expert in his craft ( knowing paper, inks, and procedures ), while I couldn't do anything but gape at what he is saying. But still, I'm very much fascinated with what he knows, and I felt anxious into learning those as well.

Ever since that back-out on my potential good career, I slowed down on my application process. I felt so lazy and discouraged about applying to other companies, and found myself liking helping out with our family business. It's a blend of challenge and happiness for me. I get to bond with my parents, specially with my dad, whom I don't get to talk so much with as compared to my mom. Now, at least I get to know his job, understand him more, and I find myself admiring his brilliance in being a businessman. I wish someday I would be as brave, as professional, ethical, and great as he is.

So what do I do for my training in our office? Menial work, holding , counting , ripping paper. This makes me acquaint myself with the kinds of papers, being a basic, as my mom said. I also get to hear conversations with my dad and the supervisor about the ink combinations, which I think is very helpful. I'm also taught by the secretary on making job orders, and more SOP's for making printed materials. Lastly, I'm playing Account Executive, trying slowly to get in jobs for our company.

My tarot says that I'd be able to succeed if I find my way around in this business. I pray to God that I will. This is more than a blessing - making me learn a new craft, and getting to be closer with my parents :)

One More..! :P I still love June :)

2005-05-06T17:41:00.000+08:00

Your True Birth Month Is April

Hasty

Moving

Consoling

Emotional

Aggressive

Diplomatic

Revengeful

Adventurous

Good memory

Loves attention

Strong mentality

Loving and caring

Brave and fearless

Active and dynamic

Suave and generous

Easily get too jealous

Decisive but tends to regret

Motivates oneself and the others

Attractive and affectionate to oneself

Friendly and solves people's problems

Prone to sickness usually of the head and chest

What's Your True Birth Month?

Accurate except the singing part...:P

2005-05-06T17:28:00.000+08:00

Your Birthdate: June 21

Being born on the 21st day of the month (3 energy) is likely to add a good bit of vitality to your life.

The energy of 3 allows you bounce back rapidly from setbacks, physical or mental.

There is a restlessness in your nature, but you seem to be able to portray an easygoing, "couldn't care less" attitude.

You have a natural ability to express yourself in public, and you always make a very good impression.

Good with words, you excel in writing, speaking, and possibly singing.

You are energetic and always a good conversationalist.

You have a keen imagination, but you tend to scatter your energies and become involved with too may superficial matters.

Your mind is practical and rational despite this tendency to jump about.

You are affectionate and loving, but very sensitive.

You are subject to rapid ups and downs.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

You Are 18 Years Old

18

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Your #1 Match: INTP

The Thinker

You are analytical and logical - and on a quest to learn everything you can.
Smart and complex, you always love a new intellectual challenge.
Your biggest pet peeve is people who slow you down with trivial chit chat.
A quiet maverick, you tend to ignore rules and authority whenever you feel like it.

You would make an excellent mathematician, programmer, or professor.

Your #2 Match: ENTP

The Visionary

You are charming, outgoing, friendly. You make a good first impression.
You possess good negotiating skills and can convince anyone of anything.
Happy to be the center of attention, you love to tell stories and show off.
You're very clever, but not disciplined enough to do well in structured environments.

You would make a great entrpreneur, marketing executive, or actor.

Your #3 Match: INTJ

The Scientist

You have a head for ideas - and you are good at improving systems.
Logical and strategic, you prefer for everything in your life to be organized.
You tend to be a bit skeptical. You're both critical of yourself and of others.
Independent and stubborn, you tend to only befriend those who are a lot like you.

You would make an excellent scientist, engineer, or programmer.

Your #4 Match: ISTP

The Mechanic

You are calm and collected, even in the most difficult of situations.
A person of action and self-direction, you love being independent.
To outsiders yous eem impulsive, surprising, and unpredictable.
You are good at understanding how all things work, except for people.

You would make an excellent pilot, forensic pathologist, or athlete.

Your #5 Match: ENTJ

The Executive

You are a natural leader - with confidence and strength that inspires others.
Driven to succeed, you are always looking for ways to gain, power, knowledge, and expertise.
Sometimes you aren't the most considerate person, especially to those who are a bit slow.
You are not easily intimidated - and you have a commanding, awe-inspiring presence.

You would make a great CEO, entrepreneur, or consultant.

What's Your Personality Type?

Being Professional vs Being Personal

2005-05-04T20:50:00.000+08:00

This has just been troubling me lately, and probably I should let some steam off by typing in this entry.

For the past few months, I have registered at jobstreet.com's website to find a job. I have clicked every job I'm interested in, and was anxious to wait for calls.

Yup, I did get calls. Requests for interviews, and that. But the thing is, there was this one instance that made me creep out. One day, a person texted me, claiming that he is the HROD of one of the companies that I'm applying for, and he wants me to send my resume to his personal email. I did, twice. Then he texted me again if he could refer my resume to other headhunters. I said yes. Their company called me and asked for my presence for an interview, but cancelled on the same day as well. They told me that the positions will be discussed when I get there for the positions were confidential. After the call, I received an email from him. He sent his personal resume to me. I mean, WHY? Being HROD of that company, why did he wish to send his resume to me? I found that quite weird, but shrugged that off.

What bothered me was the next sequence of events. May 1 or 2, being a holiday, upon waking up, I saw missed calls. One of them was from him. I mean why would he call me, it was a holiday. He event texted me to save his number previously. Then, I got a text message from him again one night, telling me to add him to my friendster or YM. For me, that was already across my boundaries as being a professional.

At the bottom of my mind, I am desperately finding reasons to see the good in that person- well, maybe that is his recruiting trick. But a majority of my brain cells point to the other direction. I think that he is using my resume and job application as a tool to make friends. I never blend professionalism with being personal, specially when I don't know the person at all. Is he using his position to make friends? This is just disgusting it makes me puke. Now, my email is swarmed by his invites to join Hipstir and Myspace, and a friendster request. I rejected it, and will never receive any of that company's calls.

Some part of me wants to threaten him that his career can end ASAP with his highly unethical doings, while some part of me wants to let this matter pass. I just hate people like that!

Desperate Student

2005-05-01T23:32:00.000+08:00

I'm definitely a new fan of Desperate Housewives! This is the new series at the States that is currently ruling the airwaves. It's gonna be aired on Studio 23 this coming May. My friend Joyce was kind enough to burn me three episodes , and after watching, I scurried and downloaded the other episodes! Talk about getting all excited! haha :)

I honestly am very confused of my career path right now. Some part of me wants to stay and help my family, some part of me wants to have a taste of the world. Either way, my main goal is making moolah. Financial reward has been my main goal in the past few years- to be able to give my family everything they want. :) It may sound materialistic, but hey, I'm not saving for my own jewelry. I am being ambitious for the sake of sending my sisters to school, buying a house for my family, and giving them every luxury possible. I guess that justifies it. :P

I still haven't been out of town. I've been going to gimiks around the metropolis during the summer, mostly with my highschool barkada. I want to spend more time with my eco block and my berks ! :) I hope we'd get to go somewhere before their school starts again. No more school for moi:P

Jumping in Glee

2005-04-29T20:34:00.000+08:00

Reasons :

- Just got a taste of the divine breadsticks I bought from Girltalk ( I love taco and chicken ala king flavor )
- Getting overly excited of our gimik tomorrow with my highschool friends ( Joyce, Mais and Jacqe + lover )
- Getting more offers, actually getting flattered that the companies think that I am qualified and competent
- Did I mention that our gimik would be an exquisite foodtrip of Korean food? (Ohhhh, I just love Korean food!!! )
- Being actually helpful in my dad's company. Just trying to bond with him as I ride with him to business dealings and hang out at the office
- Trying to conceptualize something entrepreneur-y:)

What can be better?

Does my title over exagerrate how I feel? Please, I hope so not.

Looking Back...

2005-04-26T20:43:00.000+08:00

I was browsing through my blog and landed on my PLANS FOR 2005 List.. as of now...

My plans for the coming year :

* Get a good OJT company that'll have me<--the company was good enough, I learned alot, and loved my boss to pieces! :)
* get hired by one of the top corporations in the country (is this possible? hehe )<--I almost did,twice, but blew my chances.
* learn how to drive ( finally ) <--I'm learning!!
* get a new fone ( paging dad...hehe :P )<--not yet!!
* learn a new language ( Spanish or French would be fine..Chinese would come in later, if I could go to China to study :) ) <---I'm not sure about China, but I haven't touched my French CD's!
* shop for more clothes and shoes <--YES! but still, not enough!
* get to earn more by selling stuff <--working on it :)
* have my hair grow back!!!!!! (did i mention that I look like Asado Siopao now with my new 'do? ) <--no!!!! my hair is still short...
* find time to have coffee with friends in school <--i met up with some :)
* find true love ( this is definitely a JOKE haha ) <--err..no comment
* raise enough money for my graduation/birthday dinner <---total failure!!! I have a month ta go!

Overall? Not Bad. Im in financial trouble. I need to get a JOB!!! For what? Shopping, of course, and my 8-digit-savings-before-thirty dream :P

Bye Bye.. =(

2005-04-26T18:47:00.000+08:00

Upon waking up, I hated the feeling that I had to wake up the previous night. I mustered up the guts to call one of my dream companies to tell them that I can't make it for the second interview with a very diplomatic reason. The HR girl was saying "sayang." Yeah, definitely sayang. I turned my back on a chance to be an expat, to be brand manager or regional sales manager after two years. I knew that what I did was right, but why did it hurt so much for me? :(

Sacrificing my personal growth and my dreams for my family was a task that I would readily do, because family comes first for me, but on my side, and in my heart, I felt so bad. This really was my once in a lifetime shot to get the best job, ever. I applied to other companies and relied on Jobstreet again, ready to wait for companies to call me again. My mom told me not to be afraid for I would have better offers for I have invested heavily on my college education, but still, this was the best one so far, and I would have readily grabbed it if they take me in.

The pain still lingers. I've got three friends feeling bad for me because of my choice. Thank God I have a supportive set of friends and family. I just feel like eating my mood lifter PikNik Ketchup and 2 orders of Shawarma. Too bad no one could drop by Glori's to buy me that. So I just had to sleep the whole afternoon off to forget everything.

My Fate is Sealed.

2005-04-25T18:58:00.000+08:00

...This must be the worst day of my life.

I have been given job offers which are really not so nice by prestigious companies. Two companies have asked me to become their Admin Assistant. Like, duh. I'm not trying to be a snob or be mayabang, but I feel that my investment during college in academics and extra curricular was tremendous that I deserved more than that.
Friday afternoon. A well-known multinational company called me, and asked me for an interview- with the position that I have wanted, and this position is the only thing that can make me get out of my family's business to work. They wanted me for a management trainee position. I was beyond excited to go there and impress them.

Okay, I just got home, and I'm beyond disappointed. Upon arriving there, I saw their rack of products displayed. I saw one particular product that our family biz's key account rivals with. I had a nice interview, and I am also scheduled for another interview with the national sales manager on Wednesday. When my dad fetched me, I told him about it, and he disappoved immediately. I didn't need to engage in a non-healthy argument with him because in the start I knew that this wasn't meant for me. This key account of ours would cost us our lives the moment I work for that multinational company. The moment people, specially in my dad's league find out that I would work there, we might lose alot. So there, as the dutiful daughter I am, I am going to decline the job offer :( Oh well, this has been one huge opportunity for me, and now, circumstances really wouldn't let me work here. Oh well, Apply nanaman sa iba.

This creepy prophecy

2005-04-21T21:26:00.000+08:00

My friend gave me this link. see for yourself.

www.catholic-pages.com/grabbag/malachy.asp

My improving driving skills

2005-04-21T20:08:00.000+08:00

I'm very happy that I had my 2nd to the last 2 hour driving lessons today. I was lucky enough to drive the Vios, and with the really comfortable cushion and cool pedals, i was able to relax and drive like a really normal driver! :) I learned how to park, to manuever, to improve my left and right hand turns, and to hang! :) I've never been so happy and fulfilled as a driver! :) ( sorry for the dorkiness ). Tomorrow, I'll have my last hour with A1, and I can finally get my well-deserved Non-Pro!!! :D

I had a weird dream last nite. Some HR of some company called me,and told me that their boss died. He asked me if i want my tarot cards read. I said no, thank you, because I had a reading a day before already. He told me that I was gonna have an accident. With a newspaper cutting tool. Ain't that weird? He was also conversing in half-chinese as well. Weird!!! :)

Anyway, I'm off to dinner. I couldn't resist Angel's recipe for sinigang and cooked sinigang na salmon belly tonight. Got it from www.pinoycook.net. They have some great recipes there!! :) Gnite!

The Tarot Tales

2005-04-19T19:16:00.000+08:00

They say that tarot cards are guided by spirits to give some advice for future dealings and decisions. Some contest that tarots are simply uncovering the id, or the innermost thoughts of one person. I have been forbidden by my sister to even touch them, but I don't know, why the craving? Why the attraction to these Sakura cards?

Today, I met up a friend who is gifted with not only a good heart, but with tarot skills as well. She's my Madame Auring, and I'm her apprentice. Little did I know that I had the ability to read cards, thanks to her support, I was able to unleash my inner goddess ( Oops...I'm plainly exaggerating here ).
I got to read her cards and I saw that she was troubled and very much burned out from all the state of things. Sigh. The rest of the reading? I felt warmth with the cards and sensed triumph. So for this friend of mine, I do hope that all would turn out to be fine, more than fine , as exactly what I have seen in her cards. With regards to lovelife, I felt so happy for her that I saw a pleasant and blissful married life that she'll experience in the future ( Yiheeeee )
When it was her turn to read mine, she almost read my whole life in front of me- my confused career plans, and my duties as a daughter- I really am torn. I wouldn't disclose too much of this problem of mine, but all I can say is that I would do everything to please my parents in every way possible. In the past, no matter how hard I rebelled against them, I always had this inner conscience that simply could not resist to obey or to please my parents. My heart was always with them. I just hope that doing this career move, upon my final decision, would prove beneficial to all. I want my parents happy, and I want to be happy as well.
I was itching to ask my friend about my lovelife, as revealed by the cards. She told me that now was not the time since I was facing confusion and career decisions that I should first fix, and the guy I'm supposed to end with would be "under" ( woohooo!!! ) and stable as well ( double woohooo!! ). I wonder who that would be? I really have no idea.
Overall, it was really pleasant to get to bond with one of my closest friends ever today, just like the old times. I admit I have missed our extraordinary camaraderie and bonding for three months, and this dose of bonding could not suffice!!! I am so anticipating the block gimik :)

One Mad Driver

2005-04-17T20:49:00.000+08:00

Today must be one of my worst driving days, ever. I have been taking driving lessons, and have recently realized the ineffectivity of having them taken once a week. I have already booked my last few lessons on two consecutive days to alleviate my case. Countless "namatayan ng batteries", and my poor left and right hand turns, all I can say is sigh! My driving instructor commended my suave pedal controls, but my turning really isn't that good. I failed to calculate well on how "right" or "left" I could turn. I just hope that in my second attempt to learn how to drive, I would be a good driver in the future. Good thing that the driving instructor was hilarious and is patient enough to keep up with me. What's with A1 Sta. Mesa now? 4 years ago, I hated my instructor for he was soooooo negative and he would scold me. Right now, all I deal with are funny, hilarious and very patient driving instructors. Such an improvement! :) *clap clap*
After that exhausting exercise, I went home. My mom just did the unthinkable--she bought us a Spongebob Squarepants the movie DVD!! Whoopee!!! I was very very happy for I failed to drag my closest friends to watch that movie. They hated SpongeBob!! ( huhuhu NO!!! i love him!!! ). Despite my dropping eyelids, I finished the movie the moment I got home. It was hilarious, and SpongeBob really was cute!!! I just thought Scarlet Johansen's voice was too downbeat for such a very hyper upbeat film. After watching the movie, I finally got lost in slumber. Ah..nothing is better than naps-because-you're-tired :P

Gastos Galore

2005-04-15T19:02:00.000+08:00

All throughout this week and last week, I have been nonstop gimicking. Not gimicking in the sense that I go home at around 2 am, but beyond my sickness, I was able to meet up with some friends for dinner, or malling. I could feel my bank account withering away, since I refused to ask for gimick money from my mom. It was too burdensome for them, and I asked for the gimick, and they don't have anything to do with it. I mean, they can support me for school, but for my hedonistic lifestyle? ( one wouldn't consider my life as hedonistic, but maybe my splurgings ) I just hope I earn enough from my summer business to be able to keep my account alive.
I met up with my eco blockmates this lunch time , and I was really really happy to see them. Colorblind gave me the book that I really wanted! (whoopeee thanks!! ), and I'm really happy to see these people again. It seems like ages that I haven't talked or hung out with these great wacky people, and it feels good to have talked to them again. I can never ever ever forget white rabbit, when the girl beside him told me, "Yeah, white rabbit says you're beautiful! ( or it's beautiful, referring to my haircut ) " Wah....I already told myself that I'd stop seeing him as a potential mate material, but I just can't help on swooning on how cute he is! Too bad he IS taken :(
I got a good grade in my Ecoprac, thanks to my boss who is so cool, my ecoprac teacher even knew her because she was always in the newspapers! hehehe :)
Anyway, this earthquake scare is scaring me gazillions. I don't want to die, just yet!!!!!

Talking To Myself

2005-04-12T23:58:00.000+08:00

It seems so hard to keep something from everyone specially when you know that all your life you've never kept anything from anyone. Sometimes there are things that you can only share to yourself. It isn't an easy process, but it is a must. Recently I had an experience that liberated me, made me a whole lot independent, and made me a braver stronger. I don't know if what I did was something wrong for not telling people, but I know that I will be fine.

Sinner Says Goodbye

2005-04-08T22:13:00.000+08:00

...Can a sinner shed tears for such a holy man?
A sinner felt so ashamed of her complacent, lazy life, as she shed tears for a holy man who lived his life not wasting a single minute loving everyone, and reaching out to every creation of God.
As the Pope was being buried, the whole world mourned and rejoiced for his resurrection and new life. He touched everyone. He loved everyone. He loved me. He loved you.

...at this point, I felt God's presence through him. I hope to feel it more enough to get rid of my heretic thoughts.

Blog Diligence...

2005-04-05T20:37:00.000+08:00

...is there such a thing ? :P

Anyway, I had a little bit of diligence today to give my blog some tender lovin`. I imported a new template and fixed it up. I'm still not yet done, but I'm sure it'll be all nice and viewable again in a few days.

What's up with me?
I'm so pissed right now because the TV reception is pretty bad and I'm just watching my favorite show- One Tree Hill. Sigh. I guess I hafta watch the rerun of this this coming Saturday. Wah....

Anyway, I'm going to the office tomorrow morning to get my free products, as well as have the project done. This is my last project that I'm doing for school, and after that, I'm all done - and I'm not really sure if I have something to look forward to. I feel so...I dunno. Sometimes I feel that the end of the world is coming on me because I feel my life doesn't make any sense at all anymore. Where do I go from here? I still don't have the answer.

I'm still excited for my friends to have their finals done and over, to be able to CELEBRATE!!! :) Besides that, the boob tube is my constant companion, as well as my ever reliable PC.

Business is doing okay, my dad printed me calling cards ( whoopee ), but I'm still so darn tamad. God knows, I don't want to be tamad.

I felt when Pope John Paul II died, the world had died with it as well. I feel doom coming. With horrible prophecies piled up in my inbox, I don't know what to believe in anymore. They might be hoaxy, but this Bible Code really alarmed me. It makes me just want to run to the Church and pray all day. Would that actually work?

I'M Such a Boring Bum

2005-03-31T23:07:00.000+08:00

BUM. Will my bum expand because of my doing or rather, non-doing these past few days? Ever since I concluded my OJT, I have been competing with my pillow with regards to bedspace time. I've been sleeping all day long, staying up so late, and not doing anything. I'm having the urge to finish off my last last project for my entire college life, but laziness seems to trail on me like an accessory tail,and I've been lazing off ever since.

I've applied to jobs @ Jobstreet.com with the hopes of landing in a decent job-definitely one that I deserve. I have studied my butts of during college, and a mediocre silly desk job simply won't do. I want something exciting, something that would challenge me and push me to my limits. Most of all, I want it enjoyable. I want to manage brands, which is like one of my dream jobs. I have worked under my boss who's a very good brand manager, and the things that she was doing made me want to be a brand manager as well. I just hope that I get to be in that industry :)

I'm so bored I could die. ( I think that's Alexi's line in Sex and the City Season 6 2nd to the last episode ). I WANT SOMETHING TO DO! I can't wait for my friends' finals to be over to get to go somewhere and enjoy mah summer...:)

Last Day, Last Day

2005-03-20T10:23:00.000+08:00

I have previously mentioned the rollercoaster OJT i had. First, resentments, then understanding, and later on, further enjoying.

At first I was resentful for I had to do all these menial tasks, not knowing THAT was actually what marketing people do in jobs. The moment I knew my boss was doing those stuff previously before I came in, I learned to love my job more and more, being so attached to it that I wouldn't know where to stop , as I mark the end of my ojt. I voluntarily extended my stay up til the end of the week, when all my friends have left, because I couldn't leave my boss with all the mountainloads of work, knowing that she has been so stressed already, with the transitions in her work, and so forth.

One of my best bonding moments with my boss was when we had the media launch at the hotel. I played receptionist, and we had coffee breaks and car rides together. She was just so nice and down to earth! :)

My last day at the office was a tearful one, but a weird one as well. I felt so appreciated that my boss made me feel that I was special to her, and the neighboring department that used to tease and make fun of me ( in a nice way, theyre young pa kasi, so they joke around with me ) even went out of their way to give me something before I left. The weird thing about this was, we had a firedrill in the afternoon, so Jill and I shopped around while my boss had a salon pampering, so we just met up at her favorite restaurant by 4pm. We talked, and talked, and sigh, until it was time for my boss to leave. It was sad, but it was also endearing as well.

I don't know exactly how to feel about this, but it certainly made me teary-eyed. I knew it that my division liked me and appreciated me, but other forces hinder my staying there. I can say that only my division liked me.

I will never ever forget this day, because it would probably won't happen that I would be working with these wonderful people again, as much as I want to.

Jill made me teary eyed even more when she told me, "you're wrong, sophie , when u said that u always had to ask for everything"

this deep pit

2005-02-28T19:23:00.000+08:00

why am I getting so depressed? I am actually happy for some of my friends are offered jobs already, while I work my ass off, being so damn uncertain what my boss thinks of me. I'm a little bit afraid that she sees me insufficient, clumsy, and alot more. She has this times when she actually appreciates me, but still, I don't know..ahh..basta :(

Roller Coaster Ride

2005-02-23T20:30:00.000+08:00

* I had the time of my life last Saturday. Why? Lemme tell you all about my day =)

* played chaperone for my little sister in preparation for her prom : she was just so beautiful ( I'm so proud of her, being so tall, charming, and really pretty ) in her perfect prom dress I almost wished I was a kid again..:)
* hanged out with Candy,my other sister. It was a laughtrip, as always because that sister of mine is the most insanely, effortless jester ever! She acts normally, but in the eyes of others, she's this really funny, tickly creature! :) We shopped, and walked around the mall, and met up with my college barkada friends Katz and Lorraine
* had dinner and laughed the night away with Katz & Lorraine ( together with Kendois, of course ) : It was so sad that I couldn't hang out with Maggie and Cwishie for they had other plans, but I really really really missed these guys so much! After Katz and Lorz cried like the River Nile watching Phantom of the Opera ( as they told me, but I invented the term , classy kasi, kesa sa Yangtze River haha ) , we shopped a bit, and while strutting and strolling at the mall, we were busy catching up on our lives. Turns out that the lait diary is very much well-written, and updated that I didn't have the chance to read it! I was so glad that I had a dose of ridiculous laughter because of all their kwentos because I really really really missed that. We ate dinner at the house of anorexics ( well it was plastered and cover with a poster that says, " The Food is Yumyum and You'll Get Busog Here" ( this is a very, very sarcastic idiom, I warn you ). Our bill was outrageous, but the servings were MORE outrageous! We ordered meals that we thought that would fill us up, but actually, they only passed for appetizers!!!!
We went to Max Brenner's for some chocolate cake, and the chocolate cake was really...well it tasted like REAL chocolate, in unpretentious, unadulterated sense...Well i can't really describe it exactly,but you feel it is good chocolate once you taste it and your tastebuds confirm your suspicion =) Too bad I'm not a chocolate lover ( Woah, I spend a paragraph on chocolate, and I don't love it? weird moi )
* mom and dad were sweet enough to fetch us from the hotel, and turns out that my lil sistahs were there as well. Nice family day! :)
* as the night ended, I was happy, and I was sad as well. Happy in the sense that my day was fulfilling and fun, and sad in the sense that it had to end, and I would be forced to face another day away from my friends and the good moments. Not that I hate my Ojt workmates right now, but nothing just beats my friends from the other side of the world, where I belong =)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wednesday :

Another weekday, another week at the office. I'm beginning to get used to the crowd, to become used to my work, and to pig out really really bad.

There are sometimes wherein I feel really really bad about myself. I once put countless arrows scribbled around my name in paper, and put really negative adjectives there which convey my feelings, and I was so surprised that I was able to fill up all the arrows with negative feelings about myself.

I know that I am capable of doing great in my job and I have alot more to give. I just hope that they give me the chance because I really have invested alot on studying during college to learn alot of stuff to apply them in the real world. Nothing excites me than work because of the anticipation of the contribution that I would be able to give to the company. I just hope I'd get a chance to do more :)

Gone, All Gone....

2005-02-14T21:10:00.000+08:00

This is one wretched day that I did not want to recognize. I'm sorry for being bitter, but here is my story...

I liked this guy so much that I thought that he was meant for me, only to bump into reality without hitting my brakes in time.
Met his ex and found her nice, and found out that their breakup was not a "I dont love you anymore" one but a "for now, my mom does not want to date you because we were too young" one. I could feel that they have a very big chance of getting back together. My world fell apart, and I immediately felt my hand burned by the fire that I have caused myself. I am a sucker for a happy ending, I really love seeing couples being happy, and I just think that they just might be perfect for each other, so I retreated. I didn't want to waste my time with illusions that he would finally notice me after a million years.

Suddenly, I glanced back in retrospect to a year's worth of fantasizing about this dream guy of mine. He wasn't after all, my dream boy. :( The poems that I have lovingly written in lieu of my intense longing for him suddenly became meaningless..words became shallow, and sentiments were blown by the wind like flimsy ash. Inspiration became dullness, and white turned black. I was sad for I haven't really found the guy that I was destined to be with.

This reveals my passion for soulmates, destiny, and romantic linkage. Where is he? Every night, my soul whispers in the night wind, "where are you?". The words fly, and fly with an indefinite mileage, hoping for an answer.

My day was so so so funny , because during lunch time my ojt-mates and I couldn't help but laugh about so many stuff that we were definitely drunk with laughter and food. ( After getting dizzy due to hunger ). I thought that my day would be well compensated with good friends, but upon reaching home, the loneliness crept unto me mercilessly, keeping itself present in my life.

C'est la vie. Tama na drama. :P

Magnet of Malevolence

2005-02-07T22:46:00.000+08:00

I have been working with my ojt company for more than 2 weeks already, and I can say that I have had my turns of ups and downs, but mostly downs. I felt physically drained from work, and at the same time, the best of luck really showered on me the moment this girl from white rabbit's past got hired in the company i am having my internship on. I felt like crying because for all I know I've been a good friend and a person as well. Why do I deserve such harsh treatment in life?

Things have gone for the better when I learned how to accept things. I promised myself not to get insecure, mad, around her even if she's so pretty that i'll always feel inferior to such kind of person. I'd even try to be nice around her. My boss and I are getting along well, and I've been doing well, so I think. I just hope that she finds my job satisfactory. For the meanwhile, I need to rest. Valentine's Day is coming near, and I really don't know what to do with my life, with all that consciencious cupids go bugging me on the day of hearts.

Through The Fire

2005-01-23T13:43:00.000+08:00

This song has been playing over and over in my mind for a day already. Heard it in a noontime show, and it reminded me of the block'e EK trip which Winkle sang this song!

Anyway, I browsed upon the lyrics of this song, and I can say that I can relate so much with this. I'm risking alot for nothing, as of now. In essence, I couldn't stop thinking of this certain person that I'm risking my heartbreak for a nanosecond's worth of glance from him. Call this really really pathetically hopeless? Bingo.

Through The Fire
(Verse 1)
I look in your eyes and I can see
We've loved so dangerously
You're not trustin' your heart to anyone
You tell me you're gonna play it smart
We're through before we start
But I believe that we've only just begun
When it's this good, there's no saying no
I want you so, I'm ready to go

(Chorus)
Through the fire
To the limit, to the wall
For a chance to be with you
I'd gladly risk it all
Through the fire
Through whatever, come what may
For a chance of loving you
I'd take it all the way
Right down to the wire
Even through the fire

(Verse 2)
I know you're afraid of what you feel
You still need time to heal
And I can help if you'll only let me try
You touched me and somethin' in me knew
What I could have with you
Now I'm not ready to kiss that dream goodbye
When it's this sweet, there's no saying no
I need you so, I'm ready to go

(Chorus)

Through the test of time...

(Chorus)

(Repeat the following/Fade Out)
To the wire
To the limit
Through the fire
To whatever
Through the fire
To the limit
Through the fire
To whatever

Memoirs of a Kinder Student Trapped in a Cool office

2005-01-17T21:15:00.000+08:00

I was unable to sleep for the rest of the night with thoughts that failed to give my mind some peace. I had to watch HBO to lull myself to sleep, and yes, it did with a very very boring movie. I woke up in a very bad mood, if not cranky, quite stressful. That feeling reminded me of my everydays of a student, sleeping late and waking up ridiculously early for the "carpool". I felt my nerves twinge at the slighest sway of plastic bags that were hanging in the upper ends of my bedside, and it annoyed me to have to choose my clothes early in the morning.

I had to bathe pretty quick to dry my hair, but I was too lazy already to do that. My enthusiasm during my job interviews vanished effective today, wherein I used to wake up voluntarily early and bathe quickly and dry my hair up to the roots.

My dad was kind enough to drive me to work despite our argument a few nights ago, and I was more than thankful because I wanted to really get along with him. We had less fights for the past few months and I have learned to love him more, but still, there are some inevitable circumstances that lead us to argue once in a while, and it didn't feel good.

I was about to wait for my friend Jillie to report to work, but I was already anxious to get in the office. I got in the office and found my workplace empty because the whole division of the brand that I'm being an intern for went to Shanghai. I went giddy when I heard the first phone ring, and without supervision, I have started answered calls even when the day has not yet started for me.

My tempo boss was a kind one. She smiles alot, and IS PATIENT! How could I tell? Well, I don't really remember how many times I cried for help from her, but still she managed to be nice to me. She is so patient with brats like me! haha :) Well, really, she's kind. I hope that we get to have a smooth working relationship for a week before my boss comes back from work.

My bosses were actually so busy that they were even calling me from the airport for instructions for work. Boss #1 called to burn a CD, which I think, would be an advertising aid for something, and Boss #2 was about to give me instructions on getting something, but she cut the line off because she was already boarding. I mean, is work this demanding, that even in the verge of your flight, you are just wanting to leave instructions for a great job? I actually admire them for not leaving all the work behind, and this gave me a taste of the real world.

I can understand how taxing the work was. When I was about to leave for lunch, the fone still rang. While I was eating lunch, my mobile fone rang with my boss giving last minute instructions! Wow :) I couldn't even answer my text messages on my fone because the fone just kept on ringing.

I kept on answering phone calls, because for every 5 minutes that passed, a salon would call and order something.

At the end of the day, I realize that this IS the real world. The "complimentary" experience ( well we don't say FREE or Buy 1 take 1 in our office, we use "complimentary" wahahaha! ) of the real world today left me really bushed. I could hardly open my eyes by the end of the day. Tomorrow is going to be another reality check of the world, and I can't wait. This is another world that I am very much anxious to have a taste of. Bring it on. But lemme bring some stuff as well. ( StressTabs, Food , Coffee, and..my credit card.kidding )

Sigh

2005-01-13T13:22:00.000+08:00

Company #1 called me for a 3rd interview. I was devastated over the fact that the 2nd interview was still not enough. Company #2 called me to make a decision ASAP because they could not wait anymore. I can't deny that I am very brokenhearted over the fact that I would have to risk alot for Company #1. Company #3 on the other hand, was an improbability. I couldn't even get through their fonelines! The final verdict? I'm with Company #2.

I admit that I'm not perfectly happy with Company #2 because of having no compensation. But the thing is, I actually might be enjoying it, because I worship the consumer products in that said company. I love their products, and they are said to have employee discounts! I can hoard products there and sell them elsewhere.teehee:)

Tug Of War

2005-01-11T18:52:00.000+08:00

I'm now being pulled by three forces. I was whining over the fact that I won't get a decent OJT company days ago, but now, I'm being torn apart by my 3 choices.
My first choice company still dumped me. I have tried to follow up on my status but to no avail. I still feel heartbroken because it was after all my 1st choice and I was also regretful for I screwed the interview. Believe me, I really did. Remind me to practice on what I have to say before an interview.
That horrid mistake made me a better OJT interviewee. I practiced at home and became more confident. I went to this company awhile ago, my second choice, a good company but FAR, and I believed I did well. I was pretty confident and very much me.
I have three problems, my three ojt companies:

#1 is a reputed company. I love it. they pay good and they provide free lunch. The catch : it's far off and I'm gonna have to commute back home, and it's scaring me.
#2 is a company which I love because of the products. I love their products! I might enjoy here. the catch : it's beside the mall, and there's no pay. I might have to spend more than actually earning. I might get tempted to shop more, and eat more, without even considering that I'm not even earning anything.
#3 is a famous company , but the thing is their fonelines are all tied up right now, i cant call them even if they asked me to, and i dont even know if they pay ojt-ers

anyhow i think id' go with number one since it is said that career growth is great there:) i dont know. any comments?

Trouble Sinking In

2005-01-07T01:24:00.000+08:00

Today, I was a BUM again. I'm still at home waiting for a fateful call from the company of my choice, hoping that every call for me would be a job offer. It's not that I'm desperate of a job. This is for my OJT, and I just have to get this over with since I want to finish my schoolwork already. So sick.

I'm still not sure of what I'm doing at home. This doesn't seem like me. I mean, well yeah, last term, I spent my Tuesdays and Thursdays at home dozing off to catch some sleep because I was so drained on my MWF schedule, but there is pressure that is threatening me in the midst of an overdose of a Christmas vacation. I'm not used to being at home ALL THE TIME! Due to my oversleeping, I have gotten myself a hideous backache, that when I asked my mom to give me a back massage, she was telling me how stressed and stiff my back was ( if you know what i mean.) and im not even doing anything! I used to have horrible backpains because of not sleeping, but by oversleeping, I get backpains too? What's up with that?

Tomorrow I will be strolling around Makati to submit more resumes. Although I am still hoping for my dream company to give me feedback, I would have to be realistic enough to apply to others. I would also get to meet my friends tomorrow, which is a good thing.

The idea of NOT going to school anymore is troubling me. This leaves me to a very empty disposition. I can't feel anything. There is nothing exciting about talking to the wall, watching dvds all my life, and talking to the cd player while learning French. I need some action.

Good Day

2005-01-05T20:03:00.000+08:00

As i said in my previous blog entry which I typed in a few minutes ago, I AM BORED TO TEARS. So, I voluntarily went to school today even if I did not have anything to do. I met up with Cwishie for her French book, and surprisingly, Katz ( who has been avoiding me, joke ) and Violet were there. We went to Starbucks to have cofee. It feels great to taste Starbucks coffee again since I have been craving my favorite iced latte with vanilla syrup drink there for months already. Lorraine joined us ( by instinct she claims ) when we saw her going to Starbucks and I waved like a madwoman to her ( do i miss these people that much? :) hehehe of course i do ). It feels good to have coffee and laugh with friends! :)
When I went to the meeting of my org, which I have not attended for quite a while now because of too much schoolwork, I felt great to be able to help again. Well, given a chance to help, I would do my best. I'd be screening future officers nxt week, and I hope not to be too mataray or harsh with them, as I am known for being a terror person.
I met up a good friend of mine, and after that and we talked for hours. It felt bad on me that she was telling me stuff about her elder siblings being harsh on her, because I felt that I was doing those mentioned deeds by her to my younger siblings. I guess I have to be more sensitive. I tried to explain to her about the on-goings on a mind of a panganay, and really, it's really sadistic on our part ( firstborns and elder sisters ) to just make fun of our younger siblings, but still, at the end of the day, only we have the right to make fun of them. The moment other people make fun of our younger siblings, we stand up and bully the aggressor. So to all younger siblings out there, just because we elders gang up on you , it doesnt mean that we hate you. We're actually willing to fight for u, and we are very much proud of our siblings :)

Damn, Boys & Girls, excuse my french!!!

2005-01-05T20:00:00.000+08:00

I've been so bored and sabog lately because I don't have anything to do at home. A bright idea popped yesternight, and tadah!! I'm going to learn FRENCH! :) Well I'm not yet enrolling at Alliance since it's so far from my house and it'd be an additional burden to dad, but I'm getting self-help audio cds , and thanks to Cristine, I got to borrow and photocopy her Module 1 from Alliance , which costs like more than a thousand bucks (gosh). I hope to learn at least something now that I've got nothing to do. Bored to tears, Sophie

sentence of the day?
vous vous appelez comment?
j'mapelle sophie
bonjour!!!!
wahahahhaha!!

The Right Girl for MARTIN!!!

2005-01-02T21:10:00.000+08:00

Take a look at her, don't they look perfect for each other?:) Carlo's for Vivian, but Martin..hahahaha :)If there was anyone in the world I'd want to look like after a grueling round of plastic surgery, I would definitely want to look like Han Ji-Hye. :) Sana in my next life I'd look like her! haha :) Watch Sweet 18!!!

Sweet Eighteen...=)

2005-01-02T20:58:00.000+08:00

I am predicting that this is going to be the next hit among Korean Telenovelas. I missed a few episodes at the KBS Channel, so the moment I had the chance to grab a copy at the Divisoria Mall, i bought the series. This is such a good telenovela!!! It would really make you feel so kilig that you'd hug yourself of the sweetness, and laugh at the ridiculous facial expressions of the people here. The leading man is definitely gorgeous! He's more gorgeous than the way he carried himself in Lovers in Paris, and the leading lady is very very charming and cute. She's very lovable :) Their chemistry really more than sizzles! :) Han Ji-Hye ( the girl ) is brilliant! This is one of the best romantic comedies I've ever watched. :)
Manuod kayo nito!!!

You can read the review here :
http://www.spcnet.tv/reviews/review.php?rID=469

Plans for 2005

2005-01-01T14:23:00.000+08:00

Aloha 2005. If you'd ask me what I was doing last night, on how I welcomed New Year, it's quite boring. I was just on my parents' bed watching TV, while all of my family members went downstairs to watch fireworks. Well, that's me.

My plans for the coming year :

* Get a good OJT company that'll have me
* get hired by one of the top corporations in the country (is this possible? hehe )
* learn how to drive ( finally )
* get a new fone ( paging dad...hehe :P )
* learn a new language ( Spanish or French would be fine..Chinese would come in later, if I could go to China to study :) )
* shop for more clothes and shoes
* get to earn more by selling stuff
* have my hair grow back!!!!!! (did i mention that I look like Asado Siopao now with my new 'do? )
* find time to have coffee with friends in school
* find true love ( this is definitely a JOKE haha )
* raise enough money for my graduation/birthday dinner

The End is Near....

2004-12-31T22:15:00.000+08:00

As I ponder on the year that is about to be all behind me in a few hours, I realize how time has gone so fast. This moment that I am cherishing right now, with the company of Star Circle Quest showing on TV and my grandmother sitting behind me, might just be a distant memory next year, when another year would pass. Weird.
Something is really up. This year would certainly not end without a statement. Some message from the heavens is being sent on earth. Is it anger? is it remorse? pain? warning?...
Disasters squished and demanded their place before the end of the year. It's like people who try to squeeze in the LRT even if the train is already full. Too much has been experienced by humankind already, then this happened pa.
I am very heartbroken with the fact that my sister's friend's family was the one victimized by the tsunami calamity in Phuket. It breaks my heart that families are separated, lives are taken, in the midst of this wonderful season. I find it hard to celebrate life, when our optimisms are very much challenged by trials. May they find the peace that they are looking for, and may they find comfort in the Lord and friends. Deep in my heart, my pleas to heaven are done every night for the living and those who passed away.
I am also dreading my OJT next year. I am earnestly vying for Unilever, but I don't know if they'll have me. It's my dream company, ever. Even way back in my orientation classes, i dont know if it was fate or what, but when we were given cards at random to act like members of the Corporate world, I got UNILEVER. Hay. Only that company would make me want to work outside. Otherwise, I don't know. Maybe not.
I am currently feeling bloated with the dinner I just had, and just now, my sister is urging me to cook bake spaghetti for our midnight snack. Wah...
I am also missing my friends so bad. Eco Block , Burks, my closest friends, and friends. Sigh.

Christmassssssss

2004-12-25T13:45:00.000+08:00

No wonder this was everyone's favorite time of the year...:)
Well, this must be one of my most enjoyable Christmas vacations, ever :)

Narration : ( hehehe )

- After course cards, I was semi-satisfied with my grades because I expected them to be higher to pull up my GPA for the last time. Ohwell.:)
- Maisie fetched me from DLSU and the traffic was really horrible. We fetched Jacqe at her P&G Aims Seminar in Manila Penn, and she was escorted by this guy who liked her. She is such a hearthrob! :)
- We ate a quiet dinner at Casa Armas...upon arriving there, I was pleasantly expecting a quiet ambience since it was really quiet there, but the next table was really noisy, and they look like middle-aged moms. And I started to hear a disturbing, distorted voice from the microfone..karaoke upstairs..?oh nooo...but still, those distractions were definitely not a hindrance for us to enjoy the exquisite cuisine. Oh how I love Spanish food..the soup was great.! Sopas..de..musco something ?:) I gotta have that again!!! :)
- After dinner, we just went back to Jacqe's house and do some catching up on our lives. They were mostly talking about career stuff, and I was just listening since in the barkada , I was the only one who didn't have work experience. Jacqe was offering to help me with my resume exposure, but I felt kinda shy. Shy in the sense that I had to be dependent on some people to reach something. Well, I shouldn't feel that way since they are my best friends, and they would do anything to help me. We opened gifts, and I absolutely loved what I got :) We talked and talked ( about ALOT of stuff that I was laughing my brains off ) until we got dizzy of doing so and Maisie and I went home na :)
- Totally loved this Christmas gimik of ours, considering that we're still together despite the different social groups, affiliations we have now. :) I love these girls! :)

Well, I was dead tired after that, but I had to go to Tagaytay the next day!! ( Dec.21 ) Here is my bulletform narration ( how corny , bulletform narration? )
- Woke up 10 minutes before 7. Lorraine told me she was fetching me 7am, so upon waking up, i totally freaked out, rushed to the bathroom, and raced against time! Voila! I finished bathing at 7am. Lorraine arrived at around 7:30, and I was quite relieved since I got more time to have my stuff ready :)
- Met Lorraine's sister, she's awfully nice and sporty! I wish I were as sporty as her. I was so laspag throughout the whole trip. What a killjoy I make. I'm bringing a wheelchair next time. :P
- Surprisingly, MARION came early! Woohoo...my LSS the day before was answered.."Himala...kasalanan ba..humingi ako sa langit ng ..isang himala..." hehehehhhe:)
- We were so noisy in the car except for Marion again. :P
- Tagaytay Highlands was sheer bliss, and pure heaven. I would want to stay in this paradise FOREVER! Fulla greens, really good weather, and tons of things to do while you're there!! I loved the facilities so much that I wanted to sleep in the locker room. hehe:)
- I suck at bowling. I think I had the most gutter bowls ( is that what you call that? parang bowel eh hahaha ). Lorraine's shobe was kind enough to teach me how to bowl. :)
- We kept teasing Cheryl about Andrew. I think that was an invented name. Violet on her seduction tips, Lorraine on the GREENS ( gulay ), Katz on the GREEN bowling Ball ( that has a Freudian connotation, okay? ), Marion on his cap ( He looks like the vocalist on South Border , even have a pix with his dramatic posing..tadah..), Cristine on her VERY corny jokes!!! Well, the joke on me? I don't know. But i was sick for the whole afternoon. Until Unilever called! ( Well, i screwed up on my interview but that's another story )
- It was such a pleasure to hang out with all of these great friends of mine. I love them all, and I will surely miss them when I have my OJT.
- Katz : for being so funny, and my kasundo at almost everything, with reasoning and of course, with the funniest and senseless things. I feel like a kid when I hang out with this girl
- Lorraine : for being effortless when it becomes to being hilariously funny. I would miss her kwentos, her chikadora tendencies ( sa artistas! ), and her sincerity towards friends.
- Cwishie : The most childish and weirdest friend I have. :) Every moment with her is never DULL !:P
- Cheryl : The sporty chic! :) A good SPORT when it comes to my merciless teasing :P kaya nga sporty! :P
- Violet : haven't really bonded with her for a long time, but it seems that she misses us. Well i hope to have more time with her.
- Marion : he was like the usher for the day. I am absolutely raving with the hat that he's wearing. Fits him! :P

Overall, it is heartbreaking in my part that I will have to graduate early and leave my friends behind. We are slowly taking on our own paths in life, and they are very different from each other, as life really is. I just hope that they won't forget me...:)

Fragments of Memories

2004-12-20T01:51:00.000+08:00

I actually was able to write quite a long entry for my gimik last friday, but my ever reliable laptop outdid itself once again. Wah..
Anyway, one of my most unforgettable gimiks was a great bookhunting adventure with my co-nerds. ( kidding!! )
After eating a hearty lunch at Cafe Bola ( my guy friend's brilliant suggestion that he made us agree to a waiver if ever the food was not that great he was to blame ), the couple friend left. I was actually happy to see this couple friend for they really seemed sincere to be with us. anyway, on with my story..
We raided the bookstores in GB3 and G4 ( about..four?) sayang, we didnt check out GB1 hahaha:) It was the perfect nerd's paradise...:) say, booklover naman:) Maybe somehow this was each of our idea of heaven, that we didn't seem to complain about doing this!:) A twinge of mysticism and bookishness rolled into one, since we also checked out the to-be extinct-from-the-bookshelves tarot decks. We went to bed outside the cinema of GB3 ( the bed outside the cinemahouse) and read Tarot cards..:) Saya!
Overall? I felt love , friendship, and warmth this day. Will never forget it. Even if White Rabbit was not there...sigh, his fault:(

My Great Love

2004-12-20T01:36:00.000+08:00

On this cold December Sunday , my family and I trooped to Manila Memorial to visit my lolo who has passed away for more than ten years...sigh, I thought tons of years would make me forget, but the moment I stood in front of his locker there, emotions that I have held for so long just bursted inside of me. I really miss him. Sometimes I skipped going there because I was too lazy too, but upon coming there, it was like I was welcomed back by my loving lolo.
I prayed so hard, gave every prayer I could give for my lolo,and talked to him, and told him everything that happened in the house. I could not stop myself from shedding tears because I miss his love for me. We were great friends, while I was still a toddler. He and I would walk hand in hand roaming the streets of Escolta, while he would visit some clients ( that i am not familiar of since i was still a little girl) and would cuss at every rude person there ( i think i got this from him ). I once thought that it was a bad thing to do, but heck, he was just defending his loved ones. He would spend his last bill for me in the supermarket to buy jellyace, and would get a scolding from my grandma that he wasted his money on me again ( hay...I like grandpa more ). He was so loving towards me and I loved him very much. I remember him chucking , sitting on a rocking chair, unknowingly realizing that it was his last laugh :( He went into a coma, and on a fateful December morning when I was in third grade...I was about to wake up for my Christmas party, but the maid told me " hindi ka na pupunta sa Christmas party, wala na si angkong". I couldn't comprehend what she was saying, and as I went to dad's room, he was very silent, sitting beside mom, and when he saw me, he said, 'wala na si angkong" in a very choked voice. I was unable to cry..I couldn't BELIEVE that my favorite person in the world was gone :(....
Pictures of people who are gone fade year by year...that was my common observation. Their pictures fade until you see them no more...in my heart, my angkong's image will never fade....
More than ten years has passed, and still, his love for me is stronger than before. My love for him is certainly stronger than before , as well..:)

Love you, angkong...

Some CommerciaL....=)

2004-12-13T19:51:00.000+08:00

While studying for the finals, here's a song that I am currently loving, (well I think every kapamilya loves it :) ) Lovers in Paris!!!
-Can totally relate

Wag Na Wag Mong Sasabihin
Kitchie Nadal

Wag na wag mong sasabihin
-kitchie nadal
May gusto ka bang sabihin
Ba't di mapakali
Ni hindi makatingin
Sana'y wag mo na itong palipasin
At subukang lutasin
Sana'y sinabi mo na...
Iba'ng nararapat sa akin
Na tunay kong mamahalin
Oh... wag na wag mong sasabihin
Na hindi mo nadama itong
Pag-ibig kong handang
Ibigay kahit pa kalayaan mo
Ano man ang iyong akala
Na ako'y isang bituin
Na walang sasambahin
Di ko man ito ipakita
Abot langit ang daing
Sana'y sinabi mo na...
At sa gabi, sinong duduyan sa'yo...
At sa umaga, ang hangin ang hahaplos sa'yo...
Oh...
Wag na wag mong sasabihin
Na hindi mo nadama itong
Pag-ibig kong handang
Ibigay kahit pa kalayaan mo...

One Magical Fine Day

2004-12-10T21:59:00.000+08:00

Slept at 3am, unbelievable. I could not sleep though my body was thrice as sleepy as my mind. I even thought that there were ghosts knocking on my door only to find out that my mom knocked on the maid's quarters for them to open the water supply in the house. My stomach was a mix of churning of worry, worries of an entrepreneur losing profit. I can't stand the real life.
Extraordinarily bangag for the day. Very stressed, and the only way I knew how to hide it was to wear my glasses and to wear beautiful earrings. Sometimes accessories help conceal your present state, and make you less of a burden to the world.
I had the most stressful day ever, but it was well compensated. I couldn't say that it was a bad day. Let's start with the stress stories :P
I had two morning classes that had professors that only made us stay for the first 20 minutes of their time. During JPRizal, Dr. Dery let us go early if we didn't need to take the removal eam anymore. During Monbank, Dr. Raymundo just announced the coverage and made the reporters stay. I was busy and tensely rehearsing for my Dramatic Reading in Litera2 and the Panel Discussion for Corpcom.
As for the Dramatic Reading, it was a disaster for me. i was not even prepared, so i just drawled at every word in order to conceal my unpreparedness. They might think that it was dramatic but i just thought that it was safer to pronounce it syllable by syllable hihi:) On the first lines, I could not believe that my eyes betrayed me that I saw words in the wrongest ( pardon my poetic license, i want to use wrongest ) way, making me confused as ever. In the end, we didn't make the targetted and required 20 minutes, so they made me do a 6-minute on the next act. My heart was thumping and I think our grade was fine. we got a 74. Considering the other grades of other groups, we had to be more thankful.
During the panel discussion, I honestly did not know what to say. I just scribbled some keywords and let some thoughts run, good thing that i was in a very peaceful state of mind during our presentation that I was able to present adequately. I still stuttered, and I still used slang words like, " i mean that.." "it's like..", "kinda.." . Embarrassing. I enjoyed it nonetheless.
As for the good part? :)
Tsubasa aiyuri was late for her first class so she went into the Conservatory and upon seeing her, i shouted to a person as far as 10 feet to make her sit at our place. She shared her talent with us, the tarot cards, and I didnt necessarily like the results of my reading. Turned out I was stagnant in the area of lovelife, and white rabbit certainly don't even see me as of now :( The reading was quite true because I was highly insecure that he'd never like me. Anyway, she told me that I would meet someone that on the first look, I'd be able to say that "this is it" and I would create my own love story. My other friend had some disturbing results, and I hope that she'd be well-guided by her good emotions.
The most fun part was when Tsubasa and I went ahead to eat lunch due to my meeting on 11:40 :) We had the ultimate bonding experience that I'll surely never forget. As one of my last days in DLSU, this moment is just worth cherishing. We laughed alot, talked about alot of stuff ( people, topics, graduation ), ate one regular peperonni pizza with cheese stuffings, and she even made me use her tarot card to give her a reading! I was so flattered, and as a first-timer, it was overwhelming to touch such enchanting stuff. I felt really strange and I surely felt images popping in my mind ( though not in colors, im still in black and white ), and words just flowed endlessly. I think I just felt it. After the reading, I was exhausted and needed a drink. Thinking about it not, the feelings and sentiments I had were very much different from what I felt during the tarot readings. Maybe there really is something powerful in those cards.
Overall, the day was not necessarily a bad one. I had to bond with a great friend, bond with more friends ( Corpcom ) , specially with the girl in the red blouse who keeps on insisting that I had sexual connotations in anything i said! haha :) Finals? Wah..dont wanna face em yet:)

You'll Be Safe Here

Rivermaya

(Words and Music: Rico Blanco)

Nobody knows

Just why we're here

Could it be fate

Or random circumstance

At the right place

At the right time

Two roads intertwine

And if the universe conspired

To meld our lives

To make us

Fuel and fire

Then know

Where ever you will be

So too shall I be

Chorus:

Close your eyes

Dry your tears

'Coz when nothing seems clear

You'll be safe here

From the sheer weight

Of your doubts and fears

Weary heart

You'll be safe here

Remember how we laughed

Until we cried

At the most stupid things

Like we were so high

But love was all that we were on

We belong

And though the world would

Never understand

This unlikely union

And why it still stands

Someday we will be set free.

Pray and believe

Chorus:

When the light disappears

And when this world's insincere

You'll be safe here

When nobody hears you scream

I'll scream with you

You'll be safe here

Save your eyes

From your tears

When everything's unclear

You'll be safe here

From the sheer weight

Of your doubts and fears

Wounded heart

When the light disappears

And when this world's insincere

You'll be safe here

When nobody hears you scream

I'll scream with you

You'll be safe here

In my arms

Through the long cold night

Sleep tight

You'll be safe here

When no one understands

I'll believe

You'll be safe,

You'll be safe

You'll be safe here

Put your heart in my hands

You'll be safe here

Rain Rain Go Away...

2004-12-08T01:02:00.000+08:00

Looks like the evil in this world, has taken over.
It has been consistently contesting and challenging the place where Christmas is warmest and happiest. It has been ruining lives of the people who consistently remain true to the meaning of Christmas. The dry chilly air that once enveloped the December sky of the Philippines is now antagonized by numerous calamities that render the poor homeless, running for their lives, evacuating their homes, and losing everything they have. This is just so depressing :(
I remember every rainy day , I would snuggle deeply into three pillows as I enjoy the chilly air, the very cold cement walls as I drift into a slumber of content. Right now, my eyes remain wide awake thinking of people, who, on the swoosh of violent winds, are carried away together with their homes. Homes are supposed to be sanctuaries, places of safety, places wherein you hide when there is trouble. I am comfy with my home, but how about other people? they have to get outta their homes, look for refuge while wet, and with nothing with them. :( their homes are also taken away from them. I certainly would not know what to do if my home was taken away from me :(
Every person's heart certainly softened, and felt with the victims of the typhoon. Everyone wanted to help. This made my eyes teary thinking the fact that after all, the world isn't entirely overdosed with anasthesia. After all, there are still some who feel. I applaud the hearts who still beat.
This Christmas, it is predicted that there will definitely be rain showers. Rain, rain, go away. This is the only time in the year wherein things would actually be peaceful and happy in our country. Rain, rain, go away. This is the only time of the year wherein every citizen in the country is smiling and shooing off troubles as they celebrate this very warm holiday. Rain, rain go away. Let the rain in the eyes of the victims go away through the help of the golden-hearted people that actually care.

The Hardest Day

2004-12-02T16:51:00.000+08:00

What a boring day. I'm supposed not to have classes today, but I'm rejoicing that the whole NCR called classes off. The wind is chilly, the weather is fine , but unfine for alot of the needy out there. I just with I could zap the typhoon and send it to the Pacific ocean for this horrible outdoor weather is so not in favor of the bazaaristas. They might not be able to sell and break-even their earnings. :(

anyway here's the song i've been humming days back when I was in the taxi with my friends on the way to rockwell..love this song :)

The Hardest Day
by Corrs, The

One more day, one last drink
Before I leave it all behind
And play the role that's meant for us
That said we'd say goodbye

One more night (one more night) by your side (by your side)
Where our dreams collide
And all we have is everything
And there's no pain there's no hurt
There's no wrong it's all right

If I promise to believe will you believe
That there's nowhere that we'd rather be
Nowhere describes where we are
I’ve no choice, I love you
Leave, love you wave goodbye

And all I ever wanted was to stay (all I ever wanted was to stay)
And nothing in this world’s gonna change, change

Never wanna wake up from this night
Never (never) wanna leave this moment
Waiting for you only, only you
Never gonna forget every single thing you do
When loving you is my finest hour
Leaving you, the hardest day of my life
The hardest day of my life

I still breathe (I still breathe), I still eat (I still eat)
And the sun it shines the same as it did yesterday
But there's no warmth, no light
I feel empty inside

But I never will regret a single day
I know it isn't going to go away
What I'm feeling (I'm feeling) for you
I will always love you
Leave, love you wave goodbye (love you wave goodbye)

And all, and all I ever wanted was to stay (all I ever wanted was to stay)
Nothing (nothing) in this world's gonna change...

Never wanna wake up from this night
Never (never) wanna leave this moment
Waiting for you only, only you
Never gonna forget every single thing you do
When loving you is my finest hour
I never knew I'd ever feel this way
I feel for you...

Never wanna wake up (I feel for you, I feel for you) from this night
Never (never, never) wanna leave this moment
Wainting for you only, only you
Never gonna forget (never gonna forget) every single thing you do
When loving you is my finest hour
Leaving you, the hardest day of my life...
Never wanna wake up from this night...

When You Say You Love Me

2004-12-02T15:28:00.000+08:00

I heard this song in Launchcast in YM. Surprisingly, I have discovered a very refreshing, romantic, and mushy song to add to my collection of favorite heartfelt hits :P How I feel for this song :P

When You Say You Love Me
Josh Groban

Like the sound of silence calling,
I hear your voice and suddenly
I'm falling, lost in a dream.
Like the echoes of our souls are meeting,
You say those words and my heart stops beating.
I wonder what it means.
What could it be that comes over me?
At times I can't move.
At times I can hardly breath.

When you say you love me
The world goes still, so still inside and
When you say you love me
For a moment, there's no one else alive

You're the one I've always thought of.
I don't know how, but I feel sheltered in your love.
You're where I belong.
And when you're with me if I close my eyes,
There are times I swear I feel like I can fly
For a moment in time.
Somewhere between the Heavens and Earth ,
And frozen in time, Oh when you say those words.

When you say you love me
The world goes still, so still inside and
When you say you love me
For a moment, there's no one else alive

[bridge:]
And this journey that we're on.
How far we've come and I celebrate every moment.
And when you say you love me,
That's all you have to say.
I'll always feel this way.

When you say you love me
The world goes still, so still inside and
When you say you love me
In that moment,I know why I'm alive

When you say you love me.
When you say you love me.
Do you know how I love you?

-and the world just drifted away, taking me to dreamland again. Suddently I remember Mr. dorky-glasses , my ultimate dream guy :)

Now That I Have You

2004-11-28T14:14:00.000+08:00

On an idle Saturday afternoon, I chose not to do anything rather than burn my brain with homework. I'll cram them tonight, or tomorrow. My sister and I watched the DVD of Now That I Have You starring John Lloyd and Bea Alonzo. I cried and cried while watching the movie, but I was also nothing short of a very kilig schoolgirl, exclaiming on how sweet they were. It was so puzzling that I could relate to the character that Bea portrayed ( Betsy ). We were just so similar. We were both talkative,horribly kikay, happy-go-lucky, and loads alot of stuff in our bags such as slippers on a formal day, and an emergency drugstore ( Advil and Painkillers ). We were both hopeless romantic, praying everynight wishing, pleading & hoping for a happy ending in our lovelives, and being awfully thoughtful people.
On the weirder side, the part that John Lloyd played ( Michael ) was so much of my dream guy..WITH GLASSES (let me reiterate, i am smitten with guys wearing those adorable dorky glasses ) , really smart, quiet, but surprisingly romantic. I could almost see myself in the whole movie, except that I haven't met my perfect match. I loved the last scene wherein Betsy was showered by rose petals, as her wish was fulfilled. She prayed for a sign from God...awww...
I loved one line in the movie, " Not knowing is the sweetest mystery of loving one person." For me, it applied so much. I have been loving this mystery man for so long, not even having the guts of talking to him and befriending him. I am just loving him in my mind and in my thoughts, we have a happy ending. I don't know how much time I could still spend dwelling on this state, but as every girl wishes, I also want a happy ending. Sigh.

Great Books Depicted Poorly by Movies, and the TRUTH!!!! Available Here

2004-11-26T21:53:00.000+08:00

Here I am feeling Carrie-ish as I am typing my blog entry using a laptop :) Something really hit me awhile ago, and I hope that this analsis would help all of us erase our very ugly mentalities regarding our nationality, being Filipinos.

Do you know how movies really have bad versions of books? Sometimes they distort great ideas for pure aesthetic value, more controversy, and just plan cutting off some significant events which they deem as a waste of airtime in the cinema. They do have a budget, and an allotted time in order to make a movie, so even a century's worth of precious and priceless details of history could be unfairly depicted in a 2-hour movie.

I am quite anxious to watch Alexander because I want to see how they depicted my life-long hero's story. I have been obsessed about reading about Alexander the Great since Highschool, and I have read alot of books and internet sites about him. I might say that I am an Alexander afficionado. Who wouldn't want to idolize someone who almost reigned the whole world, dreamed of a cosmopolitan government, wherein it was almost possible that racism wouldn't be here now if he didn't die of malaria? He initiated his soldiers to marry women in Asia Minor. Inter-racial marriage was actually his idea, and he also married Roxanne, a woman from Asia-Minor. Well, I hope they depict his movie well. And HE CERTAINLY IS NOT GAY. People are so darn malicious nowadays claiming malice on how they read books about Alexander and Hapheastion( his best friend ) . It was said in books that they had great love for each other. Those words just them gay. See how interpretations distort things? Now let me get to the point I am trying to get across with.

The moment I stepped in Dr. Dery's class in JPRizal, my life and way of thinking changed forever. He's an amazing professor with tons of documents to prove you that most of what Filipinos know about their own history is FALSE. I will provide some points here that I hope alot of my co-blogmates would read :

* Andres Bonifacio is NOT the founder of the Katipunan. Dr. Dery told us that it was just NOT him. It was composed of Deodato Arellano, and some people, with the initiative of Marcelo H. Del Pilar. Andres Bonifacio was just one of the founders, but it was not entirely is idea. More or less, it was 6 people who formed the Katipunan and it was del Pilar's idea.

* Jose RizaL...
* is not a playboy
I have read an article about Jose Rizal having alot of women, but he failed to commit to anyone except Josephine, who was able to accept him for who he was. The main reason why he had to leave these women because he had a mission in mind, which was to liberate and awaken the Filipino people from the abuses of the Spaniards, specifically the friars. Leonor Rivera was his greatest romantic love, but our mother country is indeed his greatest, and truest love.
He wrote Message to the Women of Malolos which made the claim more or less senseless because he held women in high esteem. Not alot know this, but Rizal is a feminist at heart. He believed that women were the hope of the country. They are superior to men for they have the capacity to bear children and perpetuate the race of a nation:)
* is not a MaSoN
There has been rumors that Rizal was a heretic against the Catholic Church. Well, there are several books in the library that prove that the friars fabricated 6 versions of Rizal's way of saying sorry to the Spanish Government, saying that he was sorry for everything he did and everything he did was against the Catholic Church. This seems quite stupid because I don't think that seeking liberation from Spain was heretic. Rizal loved the Catholic faith, refused to marry Nelly Boustead, one of his girlfriends, because she wanted him to convert to the Protestant faith. Rizal died a Catholic, and never went against it. He was just against the friars which were beyond abusive that time. And the friars thought that was heretical. Weird, weird.
There are tons of stuff so beautiful about Rizal, that he has alot of statues all over the world because of his greatness. He was called as El Kristo de Malay ( Christ of the Malay Race ), and foreign governments idolize him tons, like in Indonesia, the revolutionary movement was required to read and keep in heart his Noli and Fili. Noli and Fili should be considered one of the greatest classic books ever published! He was so selfless, because even if he had tons of opportunities to be rich because of his profession, he chose to give them up for our country. In a memoirs by a general that was close to him, he would narrate that Rizal sometimes would just eat bread and water for days, resisting the temptation of the aromatic and sumptuous feasts in restaurants abroad. Even his pension money, he gave up to help out the La Liga movement. How great is that? I bet we can't even match 1/10 of his greatness. He gave up his good future, good fortune , and long life, to die for our country. And yet alot of people look down on Rizal. In our own country, we don't even recognize him while he is very much admired all over the world.

* It is not true that we should be thankful for Spaniards and Americans for giving us culture. HELLO?
It is so not true. Filipinos were even more cultured way before the Spaniards came. The Laguna copper plate found indicated that we had our own language and our own system of writing in Javanese way before the Spaniards came. We were so rich, the Chinese even called us the Gold Mountain because the Filipinos were so rich then. What the Spaniards did? let me tell you. The first thing they did is to enslave the women because women in the Filipines were very much admired ( think Prinessa Urduja ). They made women believe in miracles, fanaticism, and chained them into rosaries, making them dumber, degrading them to the lowest of the low. They made them wear chemises while taking a bath because the chemises were thin! Maniacs..
There was no prostitution before the Spaniards came , because there were no documents to prove it. Think who initiated that. Rather, the Spaniards made us MORE IGNORANT and brainwashed us into hating our own race. Who's a proud Filipino now?
The Americans were actually kind enough to help us, but they also had their national interests in mind. They ceaselessly exploited our natural resources. I don't need to elaborate on that.

Anyway, I have tons of stuff to talk about because I love this subject so much! Me will post more next time :)

Author of Memoirs of a Love Untold

2004-11-26T01:23:00.000+08:00

I'd like to introduce to you the author of the Memoirs of a Love Untold. My silly friend introduced this term to me when she coined my blog as "Memoirs of a Love Untold."

She is a very jolly person, who is very lively at day, but very contemplative at night.She cracks jokes and makes fun of all sorts of people for the glory of laughter, but endlessly seeks the answers of the fathomless unknowns of life, seeking answers of life-long and century-long enigmas. Awfully kikay and spends the sky's limit for vanity, but manages to look on the inside to check her attitude once in a while- if she's being too bitchy or too kind. She speaks her mind, and does not allow to let other people take advantage of her. She feels cheated when she feels bad when others hurt her. She is a fighter outside, but somehow, a little child who actually craves for love from friends and family. She fights for her loved ones til the verge of her last drop of blood. Non-compromising, non-conformist, weirdly entrepreneurial, sucker for true love. Likes chinky-eyed serious-looking, * think Carlo of Lovers in paris * intellectual guys.

Lovers in Paris

2004-11-24T22:20:00.000+08:00

I so love this telenovela. Carlo reminds me of him..his chinky-eyed in all grand splendor, with all the romantic attributes that I have always dreamed on my ideal guy. Will he be just like that? Quiet, business-minded, serious, but in secret, with a big heart and a romantic soul that can drift your existence to nirvana. This telenovela is simply divine. Let me get drunk in dreams and wishful thinking that I can be treated that way, and the only guy in my mind right now would actually feel that way towards me.

Bazaar, Bonding, & B _ _ _ _ ....

2004-11-22T23:15:00.000+08:00

Well, the last B word happened first. Apparently, my thesismate LA LOPEZ ( well it's a nickname for a highly demented party pooper semi-gay that could mimick a vomitrocious cat as he claims ) pressed the send button to send my love to my dream guy. I was discussing such a dreamy and wonderful idea to my close friends during lunchtime abt texting him for business purposes, and in the verge of our thesis defense preparation, tsubasa_aiyuri was trying to compose my thoughts, but things got really nasty when the numbers were almost disappearing from my fone to the network waves to his fone ( oh i worship his fone. what else? his shirt, his pen, even his books hahaha AND HIS GLASSES! ) LA Lopez pressed send, and oh no, I didn't think that it was serious until I got a reply. A REPLY. This text message brought me further to reality, because in my heart, I am trying to daydream all day all night,wishing and hoping that he'd take a second look at me, and that text message was nothing short of a shrugging off of a nuisance blockmate. Am I supposed to accept this harsh reality soon? Please don't send me back to earth :(

On the lighter side, the bazaar was great. Well, not that great if it were not for my friends. Day 1 was a disaster, after the defense, I rushed to the bazaar. The day was really catastrophic. it was signal #1 so there were a few buyers, who want cheap stuff! ukay ukay and other cheapskate stuff. Our booth was one of those booths who sold posh stuff, that customers dropped the items the moment they hear the price. Well, if they wanted China, we don't look G.I. hehehe :) And does our stuff look like "im worth 100?" hehehe :) Well I really have to start stopping myself from criticizing people! I'm such a laitera, every person who ignored me , I had to say something in order to gratify my depressed and frustrated self. I am so not for bazaars! Well bonding with the lil sisters was great, and bonding with Katz and Lors was a blast. I'm so glad that we are all in the same class because this is my last in DLSU, and I'm quite thankful to have bonded with Lorraine since she turned out to be very warm, nice and very funny! She's the Healthy girl! Katz is one of my closest friends in DLSU, and I'm glad that we got alot closer this term just laughing about anything. What a weird pair we make. But i feel light-headed when I'm with these persons :) Anyway the sales was adequate but not impressive and I am glad to have some contacts after the bazaar, and i'm glad to have met alot of people, nice or irritating! hahaha :) Remember, pick the vinegar you want to make buhos the person. Black, or white? wahahahahha!!! :) ( that was from lorraine ) Anyway I was more than tired after the event, and I am jampacked with schoolwork for the week.

So glad that the defense is over. i was jittery , overly jittery. Saw one blockmate make eyecontact to another blockmate.

Belated happy birthday to one of the greatest guy friends out there..colorblind!! :) my wish for him is that he may see clearly the colors of love :) and law! haha:)

:)

Drowning

2004-11-02T19:26:00.000+08:00

I am drowning...

....in homework
....in responsibilities
....in time constraints
....in problems, big or small

but most of all, i am
....in loneliness

and no lifesaver is available in the nearest port.